Towel Day

The day comes, as it does every year since 2001- National Towel Day, to honor author Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. From this book, originally a series of BBC radio broadcasts, comes the book, and from the book, an on-line Guide, an ambitious attempt to put together all the world's knowledge, practical or less so. Towel Day is every May 25th- now I know you're dying to know how, exactly, to celebrate Towel Day. Simple- carry a towel with you all day. And if anyone asks you, remember to tell them- the universe is a tough place. You've always got to know where your towel is.
Why a towel? Well, the book mentions that a towel is the single most useful object in the universe, and provides several examples of how a towel can be used. Although most of us don't venture off the planet very much, a towel does have many practical applications here on our own humble corner of the cosmos. And as time has gone on, the phrase "to know where your towel is" has taken on a new and different context- to know where one's towel is means to be prepared, to be with it, to know what's going on and what to do about it. Thus, knowing where your towel is can be a useful characteristic.
Somewhat more bizarre, although not by much, is X Day. X Day falls on July 5th, the first occurence being July 5, 1998. This was the date established by the Church of the Subgenius (actual organization) upon which the earth would be invaded and conquered by aliens- the X-ists, also called Men from Planet X. Apparently this has nothing to do with the black-and-white film of the same name, although surprising similarities do exist. For more information on this, go out and find a copy of Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon. I could tell you about it, but then what's the point of reading such an obscure piece of arcana? See Chapters 10 and 11 for full details. So at any rate, X Day came and went, and we're all still here. Like any good cult, the Church did not admit defeat, or even that they were wrong. Conspiracy theories abounded, as conspiracy theories are the core rhetoric of this particular Church. Looks like the Church saved our collective bacon on that one... or did they? The question arises, do any of us really believe in the Church's teachings? The most common answer is, why the hell not? It's more fun that way. But now, every day on July 5th, X-Day is celebrated with X-Day drills, which are basically big keg parties (take that, church picnics!!) with various weirdness interspersed. Picture Burning Man with guys in Roman collars, and you've pretty much got it. The funny thing is, there is also a burning figure, in this case an effigy of the Church's mythical and probably fictional founder, one J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, a one-time salesman turned prophet and visionary. For the full details of this complex and relevant religion, check out the site- www.subgenius.com . Of course, you'll be repeatedly solicited for money, and presented with the opportunity to "wash your sins away and be presented with brand-new ones". The funny thing is how much sense this particular religion makes. If you suddenly become converted, don't come blaming me.
Other fun holidays include the Feast of Fabulous Wild Men, every year January 12th- basically, it involves relentlessly checking out every attractive man that crosses your path. (straight men, you can either be the checker or checkee, depending on preference). January 23rd is, of course, Pie Day, when pies are celebrated for the fact that they are pies. And good to eat. Then next month is National Cherry Pie Day, February 20th. However, you may wish to celebrate this on Valentine's Day by baking your sweetie a cherry pie. Also of note is Lost Sock Memorial Day, every year May 9th, when we take a moment to remember the lost socks that have gone before us. Or something. Well, as the saying goes- X-Day is A'Comin! So, meet me somewhere, some time, and we'll have ourselves a ball, and show those aliens we Earth men still know how to have a good time! Cherry pie will probably be served.