The evening finds me once again somewhat out of sorts. I've been consistently feeling like perhaps I'm losing touch with reality, lacking a better way to describe it. Though I'm fairly certain the 'real' world is still out there, and the change is occurring within me. Are you still taking your meds, everyone will no doubt ask. Of course- that's perhaps why the world around me seems unlike a nightmare, and more like a dream. If my own mind can produce my own custom-built Hell, why not a more livable world? Unfortunately, there are a good many people locked away who would say the exact same thing.
The way I see it, how do I know what's real? How do I know it's not simply my own disbelief that prevents me from rewriting the world around me the way I see fit? It's a bit like Chuang Tzu's quandary. Chuang Tzu was an old Taoist philosopher who once dreamed he was a butterfly. When he awoke, he was struck with a problem- he couldn't be sure if he was Chuang Tzu who dreamed of being a butterfly, or a butterfly who was now dreaming of being Chuang Tzu. The easiest answer I could come up with would be to simply look at any empirical evidence you can find. Then of course, the problem is that here you have the filter of your own mind to run anything you see through. So long story short, you can drive yourself mad in an afternoon trying to figure that out.
One of my favorite books has always been Alice In Wonderland, and Through The Looking Glass. Not usual guy fare as far as books are concerned, I know, but that's okay. At any rate, you could also spend quite a while dissecting little Alice's psyche, as Wonderland seems to be simply an extension of herself. There are problems Alice encounters, and often is frustrated by. But there is a happy ending, as Alice ultimately finds the resources within herself to master Wonderland, and while she returns to the real world, she is the better for the experience, and, we hope, can travel back there whenever she chooses. History tells us that the story was originally written for three sisters named Liddell, one of whom was named Alice. The rest, I guess, is also history.
But at any rate, the point of all this is that though we may not fully understand the world around us, never are we powerless to change it. What, after all, is the difference between the world of our dreams and the world around us? Surely both can be changed by us with application of enough willpower and effort- some things easier than others.
There was an interesting reading I had today- one of the rare occasions lately when I've been able to sit down and do a reading. The results were unsettling, but curious. The first card I turned over was the 4 of Cups, telling of perhaps a mixed happiness- things are okay, but still the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It carries perhaps a sense of resignation, that this world may seem pale, but it's better than nothing. There will always be something that, if we think it, will seem better than the current situation. And we can go on forever, seeking out that one thing that we think will make us happy.
Covering this card was the King of Wands, telling of determination, will and strength, though a strength and willpower that must be tempered with wisdom and restraint. Sometimes this person gets a little ahead of themselves, taking on great projects all at once, then, not having planned it through, cannot bring them to completion. Again, the message is tend your passion and enthusiasm as a good fire is tended, and it will burn through the night.
In the Past position was the 5 of Wands- it seems somehow tied to the Four of Cups- like a conflict had been settled, but it's a bittersweet victory. I can definitely understand that- I'm happy enough where I am, but still seek to make changes- although I think this is different than the 'grass is always greener' mentality- there is one place I'd rather be, and so will draw on the strength of the present to get there.
In the Foundation position was the Six of Swords, telling of an application of thought and reason- in other words, trying to figure out the solution, what needs to change, what needs to transpire for me to be where I want to be. This seems like a good foundation- figure out where you want to go, then figure out how to get there.
In the Near Future position was The Tower- promising destruction, I always wondered if this should be the phoenix card- a phoenix incinerates itself, then is reborn from its own ashes. So from destruction comes rebirth, it seems. True, the Tower usually tells of things falling down all around you, but at the same time, the true foundation remains. In many decks, said Tower is built on a rock, and though the structure falls, the rock, its foundation, remains. From this, one could rebuild, better than before. Even in the darkest hour there's still hope.
In the Aspirations position was the Page of Wands- this perhaps is what put me in the mindset of new beginnings from the ashes of the old, as a Page represents a person starting out- someone who perhaps will grow into a Knight, then to a King, but at this point the Page still has a child-like innocence, or openness to the world.
Now, in the seventh position, telling of the future, is Death and The Star. An odd combination; also odd was the fact that there are two Major Arcana cards back to back. However, Death is not death, per se. What happens when your body dies? Well, generally you return to the earth, and the grass is a little greener where you lie. From an ending comes a new beginning, and this is the message of Death- notice how, on the Rider-Waite version of this card, the people almost seem to welcome the skeletal figure, who rides like a proud and victorious conqueror? And in the distance, we see the two pillars later shown on the Moon card. Death represents a change, usually a drastic one, but at the same time for the better. Coupled with the Star, this tells of a change serving some higher purpose, and with this combination, I take it to mean something inevitable. So instead of fighting, the answer becomes follow the prompting of the 'stars', so to speak. There is a greater purpose at work, though admittedly it may seem strange at this point. Well, seeming strange is about par for the course at this point, so let's see where this particular rabbit-hole turns out.
In the eighth position, telling of thoughts and feelings, I find the King of Cups and the Knight of Swords, telling of a desire for peace in relationships, but at the same time, a passion to fight for what I want to happen, and a warning against running off too fast- stop and consider, take a measured step- though emotions can be a powerful force, they can also betray you, or be your undoing.
In the ninth position, hidden influences. Here was the Chariot and the Queen of Swords, seeming to emphasize the seventh position. First, there is the Chariot- it represents the action of will, and the force of control over the world and oneself. This tells me that though things are falling in line, finding this path and sticking to it may not be as easy as it may seem at first. It calls for careful consideration, and determination. The Queen of Swords represents either a friend or foe, though in this case I tend to think an ally. The Queen can be a very manipulative person, though at the same time her intelligence can be used in the service of others- all in all, whoever she is, I'm glad she's on my side!
The tenth position tells of the outcome- in this case, what I can reasonably expect down the road. And here were The Lovers and the 4 of Pentacles- in other words, things are tending toward a new balance, and new equilibrium- the result of past changes, and a motion forwards. The end result of this will be a good, stable and relatively peaceful life. Is this the end of the journey? That's a difficult call to make. Perhaps yes, perhaps no- perhaps there is no end, and the sun will rise yet again, and life will go on. But at any rate, it points to a wise use of resources- both the things this time of turmoil and upheaval will bring, and the new, bright future- The Lovers also points to a balance, a mixing of elements to create a new and greater whole- the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, as they say. So onward, I guess! Let's see where the road leads next.
No comments:
Post a Comment