The King Of Cups- Sanity Not Included

Super Happy Fun Gore! I couldn't pass this one up, as it's kind of a double meaning, seeing as my wife's name is Kitty. Well, that's not what it says on her birth certificate, but that's what everyone calls her, and what she calls herself, so there you go! If she was to wear armor like that, I have no doubt it would be purple.
At any rate, I've been thinking a good deal out here in the wilds of Afghanistan- like most deployments, you do have some down time, and I've been doing a lot of thinking. It seems things are not the same as when I left Oklahoma, and this is not a bad thing. How so? I know I've changed, and things are indeed different now. Perhaps the main difference is one of perspective, yet does not perspective fuel action, and action in turn heralds change? True, I could sit here and tell you, dear readers, that I can turn the sky purple and make it rain chocolate sauce, but without a practical demonstration, it's just talk. Now there's a catch-22 for you, I know perfectly well that things have changed here, but can't put that into practical application until I get back to the States.
So what has changed? Well, I know I've developed a great deal of confidence, and plan to run my own life, rather than being a result of circumstance and fate. I have a family to take care of, and no sacrifice is too great for them. I don't want to lose all the gains I've made in this life, wherever the road leads to next. It's good not to have alcohol around, although this is becoming less and less of an issue. I still don't really subscribe to the AA model of 'this is a disease, you don't have a choice in the matter', rather, it seems defined by your own perspective and what you choose to do or choose not to do. So in the present, though we're not immune from karma, we can act to determine our future. I'm not looking forward to going back to Lawton, as it's kind of a slum, in the worst sense of the word- not a low-income area, which does not a slum make- rather, it's a money sponge that seems to willfully refuse to improve. Without Fort Sill, there would be no town here, just the Goodyear tire plant sitting in the middle of nowhere- it's on the outskirts of the town, meaning most all of the plant employees don't live in town. This negativity does tend to wear on me, though I'd like to think out here in the wilds, dealing with 2-4's command nonsense (I could use a few other terms here, but I'll let that euphemism stand for now), I've become a good deal more resilient, being thrown on my own resources to a very great extent. In some ways it's like basic training- sink or swim, you determine that yourself. Remember what you're fighting for, I often tell myself. And the fight doesn't end when I get back to Connecticut, or back to Fort Sill, for that matter. It may sound like a huge chore to remain vigilant all the time, constantly watching yourself- but not actually. I find that the more I use of whatever fuel is in me and around me, the more there is. Standing on the shoulders of giants? Perhaps. Rather it's like coasting after your massive engine has driven you to incredible speeds and over incredible distances- you know that power is there when you need it, but don't use it to go charging into the wall- even if the wall will lose.
I hope this all makes sense, I'm often finding myself searching for just the right word. If it all boiled down to one thing, that one thing would be, things are getting better. They have not always been roses, but come the day, come the hour. Life will ultimately get better, provided that you make it so. Hope springs eternal, after all. And hope is one thing I have in spades.