Never Say Goodbye- An Open Letter To Tabatha

My Dear Kitty,
I'm writing this while you're away at work. I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I love you. You sometimes ask me- do I know how much you love me? No, I don't know. And I don't often realize how much I love you. Sometimes it'll hit me, and I'll be amazed all over again at the depth of my feelings for you. Corny, I know. But life is not a Harlequin novel- nonetheless, that's the way it is.
But feelings don't pay the rent, feelings don't bring us together. Actions do. The time we've been apart, and now the time we've been together has opened my eyes. I see things now that I didn't realize before. And I realize the only thing standing in the way of us is me. You said there were forces against us, but I never really understood that until now. Let's see, where to start?
You seem to think I have this fantastic life in Oklahoma, that I go hang out with friends, that I wake up every day and am so excited to get to work that I forget all about you. Actually, I get up every morning alone, and try to stave off despair for another day. Well, now I see that can change. The reason I get distracted and am forgetful more often than not is not that life is just so deliriously fun down there- it's so I don't have to feel the pain of your absence. Shouldn't this be a motivating factor to get us back together? Yes it should. But does it? Not in my case. Actually it becomes a kind of safety blanket- I don't want to think about that, so I get distracted. Apparently I have a considerable mind with which to distract myself. But you being by my side, falling asleep next to you every night made me realize- this shadow existence is not for me. For the first time in months I've actually felt alive and real. This is what I am!
There's always been some question, even in my own mind, as to who I actually am. I guess I know now. The who I am is the guy you fell in love with- wisecracking, smart and a little jaded, but loving, caring and ready to embrace everything this world has to offer. This world is a beautiful place- you showed me that. And I can live without you- life will go on if we don't make it. But it's not worth it without you. There will never be another you, and so I guess I'd do well to giving you lots of reasons to stick around.
I know all this is nothing you haven't heard before. I say the same things, then go back to the rut of my life in Oklahoma. Well, that's part of the reason I'm writing this to you. I want the world to know, and I want to be reminded every day of how lucky I am. Lest I forget, lest I get distracted about all the petty distractions coming down the line. If there are forces against us, they don't need to break out the heavy guns- they just need to keep me surrounded by minor irritations day in and day out.
Well, it's time I realize the way things are. First, I might as well admit it. I'm a witch. (Witch? Should that be capitalized?) Point being, I realize all the crazy things they say about people like me are true. I never really thought I was that special, and probably am not- if I'm the only person to realize this, I'll eat my wand without hot sauce. But that's beside the point. For too long I've been taking a backseat in my life. If I want something to happen, like say, taking two weeks of leave and going home to Connecticut, I can make that happen. I don't need to be 'Fortune's fool', I can run this show. In part, it's like you said- I don't like taking chances, and tend not to proceed forwards until I'm one hundred percent sure of myself. But if you never take risks... well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Now, I'm not all full of myself, thinking I'm Tara's gift to the world, but frankly, I kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum. Anyone can do this- just so happens that I do. I guess in that regard I am a little different than other people. Okay, I can live with that.
For a time I wondered- what do I do with this? Well, I can tell you what I'm going to do now. You always like to say, you only see what you need to see. I guess you're right. What I see now is that I need to bring us together. The miles between us don't sever whatever weird-ass connection it is that we have- but they do make it harder on the both of us. This isn't a fairy tale (well, maybe it is), but the point is, there's no guarantee the good guys will win. If I sit back and do nothing, well, whatever or whoever the bad guys are will win. If I stand and fight, then I win. I was never the fastest guy when we would go running- but I never quit. If I started the run, I'd finish it. Maybe not at the front, more towards the middle or even towards the rear- but I'd finish the run. Same thing here. If I can do that, who's to say what else I can or can't do? There's only one way to find out, and that's take a chance. Easy to say, a little tougher to do. But again, that's one of the things I've learned out here. You need to take chances, and need to do more than you think you can. Thoughts are the beginnings of reality, so it's true- if you think you can, chances are you're right.
So never say goodbye- this isn't goodbye. This is I'll see you soon. This is I'm ready to take up the fight again, and ready to get it on, whatever the cost. When I lose my arms, I'll start kicking and biting. Remember that I love you, and I'll remember that I love you too- and I'll remember what I discovered myself to be- what you showed me. Lest I forget.