Update From Beyond The Wire

Be a still lantern
When all around is roiling darkness
-advice from a dream

It's another beautiful day at Bagram Air Field, where we have a new assignment! This one, fortunately, will be taking us out into the country, usually about once a week or so. We also get days off, incredibly enough! So that's a plus. People complain about how dull the time out there is, eight hours of sitting and doing not much of anything, but really it doesn't seem that bad- beats guard duty, and guard duty was not too bad either. But for now, I still feel acutely the absence of my family. Not much left to do but tough it out, keep my head down and hope for the best. I know the future (hopefully) looks bright- I'm doing everything I can out here to make sure life continues on without a hitch. Like everyone, I occasionally get plagued by doubt, but have hope that in the long run it'll all be worth it.
Seems I can't talk about politics without breaking into a rant, so okay. I'll try and confine it to a few words. The Presidential race has gotten off to its usual farcical start, with people picking and choosing issues to base a campaign on. I'm less than impressed with this crop of would-be leaders of the nation. Same circus, different tent. Meanwhile, nothing continues to get done on a larger and larger scale. And these are the people we trust to run our country? Screw it, think I'll just take over a few hundred acres of Afghanistan and start my own country.
But apart from pro being the opposite of con (and what's the opposite of pro-gress? Think about it, you'll get it), things are okay here. I miss my wife and kids a lot! Not a day goes by I don't think of them, and am looking forwards to being back in good old Connecticut. I did a Tarot reading earlier today which seemed pretty interesting- I'd been feeling awfully low lately, and after writing a long involved email to my wife (a good way to get everything out of my system), I sat down and did a 14-card Celtic Cross reading, with no particular focus except see what the remainder of the year holds, and what to expect down the line:
The first card, (I didn't use a significator card this time around, just luck of the draw, pun kind of intended) was the 5 of Wands. This indicates conflict, as do the 5's in general. This particular card warns of wasting resources and energy- lacking focus, thoughts come and go, many of them troubling, and without clarity of thought, you can easily get distracted into running around in circles and accomplishing nothing. So the initial message here is- put doubt aside, focus on what needs to be done, and be patient.
Covering this was the King of Pentacles- a slow, steady figure, I always thought. In this case, the King represents an aspect of myself/ourselves. It's an answer to the first card- feeling all over the place? Then ground yourself in what's important. And with this, keep in mind that a practical, thought-out approach to this situation will serve you well throughout. I took this in light of a letter I got from the very same dear wife, telling me how she also is trying to do the same thing- remain grounded and practical. One of the many reasons I love that woman with all my heart, and trust her with my life. But at any rate, the message becomes don't be afraid, just draw on your own strength and resources, which will not fail you, and get through this. If a hurricane blows, be like a rock, weathering every storm.
The Past card here was the 5 of Pentacles, also indicating conflict. This tells of missing some resource- fearing the world around you means you miss out on what's right in front of you to help you solve this problem, or right within you. In this case, I think it's my own lack of feeling grounded- finding it hard to concentrate on what's right in front of me. But the upside of this, as there is with all 'negative' cards, is that the answer is there- I just need to be able to find it, and it seems that though things seem confused it may very well be just all in my own mind. I think it's just a sense of feeling rather overwhelmed lately, and feeling alone and far from home. This too, the message seems to be, will pass.
In the Foundation position was the 10 of Pentacles, telling that there is indeed a great deal of resources at my disposal- more than enough to deal with any issue I may face- the question is simply how do I embrace those resources? A part of this is being a sense of overwhelming- if this is the case, I would do well to remember why I'm here- because I want to build a better future for my family, and to make this time count as a jumping-off point for greater and greater things. I don't want to sound full of myself, but I have accomplished a great deal already. I try to take as realistic a perspective as I can on this, neither being too focused on shortcomings or achievements, but rather taking both in balance and considering the situation from there. Sun Tzu said that the man who knows both himself and his enemy will never lose a battle, and that seems true in this case.
In the Near Future position, things get interesting. Here was the High Priestess, indicating new insight, perhaps even growing, learning, one could even say evolving from all these experiences. The High Priestess guards the gateway to new learning, and provides lessons and often riddles to lead the person into new understanding. In this case, however, I think it's more a question of tempering, like steel. Let inner turmoil make you stronger, in other words.
In the Aspirations position, completing the cross shape, was the Queen of Pentacles. Perhaps again an aspect of Tabatha, embracing the same aspects of the situation as I myself need to do.
On to the Future position, where I saw the 3 of Cups and the 7 of Swords- a message that this too, will pass- though I feel alone, that won't be forever- the only constant is, as usual, change. But keep in mind that though we will be back together again, and that nothing can change what we have, I need to avoid complacency; I think of it as training to fight; once you're done training, you're not done- you still have the fight to win. So though you work to get to a certain point, and can lean back on everything you've done and worked for, you still need to keep pressing forwards. And keep things in perspective, again- know when to move, when to hold.
The eighth position tells of hopes and fears- here was the King of Cups, and the 9 of Swords- this position is usually something to do with one or the other, pointing to something you may not readily see, but which can shed light on things. Here I saw first, the King- this card pops up a lot around me, probably because of a somewhat odd zodiac chart- my sun sign is Libra, an Air sign, and most of the time I find a lot of Air tendencies. But the vast majority of the other planetary signs are Scorpio- a Water sign. If I wanted to flatter myself (and I may actually be right, who knows?) I'd say that points to an insight into the more esoteric aspects of the world. But what does this have to do with this position? Extrapolating a bit, simply this- that I need to keep a clear mind about the world around me, and avoid getting too lost in my own thoughts and imagination- unfortunately, always a possibility. But knowing which way is up will hopefully prevail!
In the 9th position was the 4 of Swords and the 5 of Swords- another 5, here also indicating conflict, but with an eye towards again taking a new perspective. The 5 of Swords tells of a futile approach- banging your head against the wall, in other words, and there's only one real answer for that- change the way you approach the problem! For now that might not be possible, as I'm kind of stuck in the situation I'm in. But Swords are an intellectual suit, so perhaps again it's just a matter of how you think about it. The 4 tells me don't beat your head against the wall- no sense running yourself mentally ragged, going over the same old ground again and again. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and review.
The final position tells of the outcome- in this case, what can we expect down the road, what will come of all this time, all the weight of a heavy heart? Here was the 2 of Cups and the 5 of Cups- first, that I'll be back home soon, where I belong, and that again, don't let doubts and questions with no answers get the better of you. Be where you are, as Buddha would probably say. Realize that things will never be perfect if you think in terms of "if only ... would happen, things would be perfect". There will always be that if only, things will never get to the point where you can say you'll want nothing else. But at the same time, I know simply being home will go a great ways towards making things seem a little lighter. The time here will, among other things, remind me of what I left behind, and what I have to live for in this world. Any struggle, any sacrifice, is worth that. And besides, though emotions tend to come and go, I know that there's an unmoving foundation underneath it all. It'll all work out not because we have some magical cure for everything, but rather it'll work out because we work to make it so. We decide our own fate, in other words. So fight the good fight, come home, and live a long, full life, it seems to say. Okay, I can live with that. Steel is tempered by fire, so I'm hoping the same thing will happen with me. It's not always easy facing the daily grind out here, but there are things worth fighting for in this world.