A little belated, but hey. I move at the speed of me, not the rest of the world. Today was a PT test, it went pretty well. Today was also the continued search for a car. I'm starting to think screw this, I'll put down a couple grand on a Mustang and drive around looking even more like Vin Diesel than usual. Apart from that, the battle of the caged brakes continues- jeez, how many trailers can you freeze up in one motor pool? Well, at any rate, we eventually got them moved. Fun times. It's getting really warm down here lately, up in the 90s. And it's only Tuesday! When is the end of this week? Too far away, that's when. I also spent some time at the arms vault restocking rifles. Yes, the timeless M16-when you absolutely need to shoot something with a minimum of weight. I hear the old AK-47s are a little less prone to jam. But why, you may ask, were we moving rifles around? Not because we're out shooting stuff- rather, because they are all getting collapsible buttstocks. (Feel free to laugh at this funny-sounding but completely accurate term). Usually the smaller M4 carbine rifles have a collapsible buttstock (let's see how many times we can say collapsible buttstock in this post), which are somewhat lighter than the M16, with a shorter barrel, yet comparable range and firepower. I actually didn;t know you could put a collapsible buttstock (that's 4) on a rifle of that type, but apparently you can. What the advantages are, I'm not sure. I've fired both before, and found I actually prefer the M16. Actually, given the option, just stick me in the turret and give me a .50 cal, and I'm happy as a bird! But we also need to qualify with regular rifles, which is rather a different animal.
Collapsible buttstock- okay, just threw that one in there. But at any rate, life goes on here at the motor pool. I also got my divorce done! This was the high point of my day. Now begins the custody fight, unfortunately. I'm trying really hard not to use the kids as bargaining chips- let's not sink to that level, let's look at it logically. Of course, by its very nature this is something mired in bad emotions, resentment and petty squabbles. But hopefully, one way or the other, right will prevail and justice will be done. The actual divorce was simplicity itself- is this your name, do you live here, do you agree that you guys have no common property, and that this is the reason for divorce? I was actually sworn in, too- kind of cool. But I suppose that makes it official, as I'm then bound to tell the truth or be guilty of perjury. Over a divorce that simple? I rather doubt that. Besides, what's there to tell? It fell apart faster than a Mexican space shuttle (with a collapsible buttstock), and we're ready to call it quits and curse each other's names to the afterlife and back. Well, okay, exaggerating about that last part. But I have to admit to mixed feelings about this- on the one hand, relief and a sense of being glad it's finally bloody over with. On the other hand, well, too bad it didn't work out. Then again, I guess it had to happen. It would be easy to demonize my ex here, tell everyone all the terrible things she did, but to be honest, I wasn't guiltless either. I had some mental issues, (still do, but nobody's perfect), though in that environment I never would have been able to work through them. The time I spent earning my title as Sanest Patient on South Ward were, failing all else, relaxing and a time to think. Perhaps, to get the first glimpses of the man I would eventually become. What a long, convoluted road it's been! I'm not proud of my past, and all the epic screwups I've been responsible for. But I know despite this, I'm a good man, and that I'm never beaten until I don't get back up. Wasn't it Nietzche who said, that which doesn't kill us ultimately makes us stronger? Unfortunately, in the meantime it takes its toll.
But life goes on, does it not? There are things worth fighting for in this life- love, liberty and the pursuit of wisdom, happiness or something like that. I know especially I put Tabatha through a lot- again, these are not things I'm proud of. But if it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting for. Sometimes it seems like I'm slashing at shadows, missing the actual enemies, real or imagined. But I know ultimately this is leading me somewhere. Wherever that somewhere is, it's a better place- we're on an upward spiral, even if the higher reaches are still obscured in fog.
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