The Mandelbrot Man And His Incredible Causality

It's Sunday, thought we could all use a little motivation for the week ahead. I put this up because it made me think- and what it made me think was I have way too much time on my hands. But apart from that, it also made me think that really, in the long run, there is a pattern. We may not always see it, but it's there. This is how complexity theory developed- things that at first seemed random were, upon closer inspection, part of a pattern. This pattern, called a fractal, was created with a non-linear equation. As you can see, it produces a pattern. It's simply created by coloring points within and without a given parameter different colors. The pattern emerges with thousands and thousands of iterations, creating thousands and thousands of points. However, we're not at the thousands of points level, to use this as an analogy. Think of every day of our lives as a single point. From that level, it could seem that there is just randomness- we don't see the pattern because we can't get a grasp of that larger perspective. However, for this reason the pattern does not cease to exist. It all fits into the larger pattern. This isn't really so much a question of good or evil, benevolence or antagonism, but rather simply the way things are. Where you come out depends in part on past actions, and in part on the pattern. Though things may seem tough, I guess I need to keep in mind that it all serves a greater pattern, and that nothing happens for a reason, and everything happens for a reason.

Undo Redo

This guy kind of reminds me of a friend of mine- must be the hair. I could make some commentary here about the objectification of women, women as sex objects, how society creates a false image of beauty, but will confine it to this-zombies are always cool! The band that recorded this song seems to be obsessed with zombies, as a newer song features a zombie coed car wash. Yep.

At any rate, things are going ok here- we're still alive and kicking, although it would seem our finances are forever slightly off. So like I usually do when something perplexes me, I read the Tarot. Not that I'm going "what do I do what do I do what do I do?" Rather, it's a way to get a new perspective on it. What I found was somewhat less helpful than I had hoped, meaning I'm still missing something somewhere in there. Tarot doesn't really predict the future, at least not in the sense that that term is generally understood. But it can often provide insight into the situation, and on occasion uncover something new you may have missed. So at any rate, the reading tells me of a firm foundation- that is, there is a 'house', in the sense of a family and a legacy; although storms may come, the foundation can't be moved. The question left is, what can we do to improve this, and what needs to change?
One thing was to see about a loan, putting the car up as collateral. I found the blue book value as about $1600, and this was what the bank's rated it at. My reaction- really? I don't know if that car is worth $1600, but well, if that's what they say, then so be it! It runs, so I guess that's really all a car needs to do.

In other world news, I'm still doing readings for one particular young lady, who has a lot of questitons, which is okay, as I hopefully have a lot of answers. But the latest question, one that didn't require the cards, is, do you just read them, or do you 'see' as well? Actually, it's a combination of the two- that's why I don't like the 'free reading' sites, as they tend to pull cards at random and offer the textbook interpretation for that card. This isn't really what Tarot reading is supposed to be- sometimes I've had cards interact in subtle ways, and a simple superficial reading would have missed these. So it's partly instinct, or clairvoyance, although I don't like that term either, and partly just reading the meanings of the cards.

We also have a new addition to the family, who seems to be pretty comfortable in her new digs. She's a puppy, approximately two months old, and is a bull mastiff-boxer mix, meaning she'll be a tank when she grows. Right now she's well on her way, seeming to get larger by the day. We named her Eris, or actually I came up with the idea (hey, credit where credit is due)- the first time I saw her the name popped into my head. So Eris it is, although so far she's not much trouble at all. We needed to change her diet, as she was surprisingly thin and had a case of the runs, but changing her food seems to have helped that. Housebreaking her has also proved surprisingly easy- she seems to be a fast learner, at any rate, and seems to be growing pretty well. She's doing pretty well, and Tabatha wanted to keep a big dog around for protection- perhaps both in a psychological and physical sense. Makes perfect sense to me, when I'm going to be far away pretty soon. But sometimes how you get there is more important than where you end up.

Monjoie

I was reading through some of the old letters I wrote to Tabatha back in the day, actually before I left for basic training. A few were of old dreams that still stick in my head, although none of them make any sense, then or now. And it got me thinking how far I've come, how it seems like many years since I wrote those words, and how much things have changed. All the reasons I joined the Army, all the things I've seen and done- have they all been worth it? And is this life I've built worth fighting for? For a long time I was hard put to answer these questions. Now, however, I realize- yes, it's worth it. It was then, and it is now. That doesn't change. But I'll admit, there are times when the battle wears on you- sometimes it seems like a constant uphill struggle, and no end in sight, and I'd give anything just to have it come to some end, any end. But then in the long run, what did I really expect? And besides, if it's worth fighting for, you fight for it. And you never quit, regardless of what the odds are against you or for you.
But although this leaves a lot of questions unanswered, I think it resolves it in my own mind- I don't know how to quit, and maybe that's not a bad thing.

The Prisoner

AMC (the cable channel) has attempted to remake the old 1967 TV series The Prisoner. Looks like the original is still the best, although their website does have a section devoted to the original and the remake, taking the concept in some interesting directions. The original show starred Patrick McGoohan, later of Ice Station Zebra fame, and Braveheart after that, (at least, that's the two movies I remember him in). It dealt with The Village, an island community run by a mysterious para-governmental organization. No one ever spells out exactly who or what runs the Village, or to what end. However, the extraction of information from the residents by any means necessary seems to be the order of the day every day. While not exactly openly torturing people, the Village powers that be are relentless. McGoohan, who is identified on two occasions (both times incorrectly) by name is Number Six, who refuses to offer information voluntarily to the Village, and remains fiercely independent, putting his own ideas of right and wrong as well as his sense of self ahead of everything. He is, it's implied, a former agent of some government, and is possibly involved in espionage- James Bond on steroids. He is, or was, in posession of a considerable amount of knowledge regarding secret operations on (again, it's implied) a near-global scale. In other words, a very valuable and risky government commodity. So upon resigning his post, he is drugged and taken to The Village, in an obvious attempt to disorient and confuse him. Everything in the Village seems superficially set up to take care of the residents, although underneath this, the Village demands that its residents surrender individual identity to the collective, and hold back nothing from any figure either actually in or giving the appearance of authority.
Number Six (no one is identified by name, only number) continuously fights against this process, refusing any and all information as the Village's methods become more and more creative in their attempts to break his mind. As time goes on, it all begins to hinge on one question- "Why did you resign?" The Village authorities begin to think that if this one question is answered truthfully by Six, it will represent the breaking of his mind, and in so doing, he will surrender any and all information after that. The conflict escalates, descending quickly into the surreal, finally culminating in Number Six being introduced to Number One, the presumed head of the Village, and the bane of Six's new found existence. The show ends with Number Six ultimately defeating anything and everything the Village throws at him, and still retaining his sanity. He is then free to return to his previous life, but at the same time, the question is raised, how free was he in the first place? And by extension, how free are any of us? We are all, either voluntarily or involuntarily, confined in some form of Village. We have to be, to function as a part of society. Often, these things are so small that they generally escape our notice. If we did, would we not all descend into twitching paranoia, unable even to move out of fear of being observed? There exists a balance, although many people would gladly throw away that balance for material comfort and security. In the Army, I find this too. We have considerably less privacy than the average civilian, yet at the same time are well taken care of. Is it worth it? In this case, yes. No one forced us into this position, so who do we complain to? Only ourselves. I hate to say it, but it's not that bad. We occupy a unique place in society- our lives are by necessity open books, yet other people are not. There are still, no doubt, secrets we all keep, but others keep far worse ones, and life goes on. My intent is to do my job, retire and hopefully not wind up in any Village except one of my own choosing. Knowing my knowledge and skills would be used for evil would probably put me in a similar position- perhaps I would have to resign. But luckily, things are, at least at first glance, a bit simpler than our friend's, and besides, any effective organization like the Village would have to give the appearance of complete freedom anyway. So if there is one, perhaps what should lead us to suspect its existence is the complete absence of evidence of it in the first place. But again, this puts us squarely in the realm of paranoia. Draw your own conclusions, dear readers.

For Every Action...

	Jamyang Sakya - Praises to the 21... .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

This is a recording of the Praises to the 21 Taras I happened to find- it's a chant used in meditation sometimes, just thought it sounded cool. At any rate, this has been on my mind lately, about trying to be a good Buddhist and also a good soldier. Like any religion, Buddhism has its various sects and various levels of strictness. The difference here is, how strict you are, what you do and do not, is imposed by yourself. Buddhism calls on Buddhas to help you out, so ideally this will help you get where you need to be. There is very little set-in-stone dogma about Buddhism, and the Dalai Lama himself (the current Dalai Lama, the 14th) has said that should science disprove one or all parts of Buddhism, then Buddhism will have to change. So far, no word from science, although science has shown that there is a positive value to meditation, and generally seems to support Buddhist beliefs, although in a less metaphysical sense.
So is it wrong to take life and prepare for war? Although a little more removed from the fighting as a forward support company, would any of us hesitate to defend our own lives or the lives of our fellows? Karma is never as simple as it's made out to be, or for that matter, as simple as we'd like it to be. Intention and end result figure into karma- intention and motivation affect you, while end result affects others. Often people come to think of it not so much in terms of good and evil, as in positive and negative aspects of an action or thought. Good and evil imply absolutes, and so rarely is anything we do either purely good or purely bad. Not that you should run around killing people that good may result- often we can predict the outcome of an action, or given current circumstances, think and find what we should do.
Here's another one- why does meditation 'change' your karma? Actually, it doesn't. But it makes your perspective on it change. Say something bad happens- take it out of perspective, and it's the end of the world. Taken in perspective, it can be an opportunity to learn something, or even to learn from a mistake. Things happen as a result of actions, at least most of the time. When this happens, look for the lesson you can learn from it, and it will be a loss so much less.

Revisited

It's Saturday again, and I'm stuck at work! Believe me, there's nothing I'd like better than to be home right now, instead of out here doing nothing. It seems often in the Army that the higher up on the chain of command you are, the more separated from reality you are. Too bad we don't get paid overtime.
In other news, not much. Things are pretty much the same as they've always been. I heard that I'll automatically be promoted if I join the Special Forces, but am not sure if I want to change my job in the Army, or for that matter if I'm too old to make the cut. But I know I have the test scores for it, at any rate. And besides, it would be nice to be somewhere where the action is for a change. This also has been on my mind a good deal lately. It seems like there are a lot of people who just don't seem to care in this unit. Perhaps they do, and I'm looking at it the wrong way. But nonetheless, it's a toxic attitude once you catch it. True, we waste a lot of time and resources because some commander somewhere has a bug up his nether regions about something or other, resulting in a project that could have taken a fraction of the time and resources it did to accomplish the same end. But I realized, just because other people don't care, this is by no means the last step on the journey for me. This is a jumping-off point, in many senses. It could be a jumping-off-a-cliff point if I'm not careful! I'm beginning to feel more and more like The Fool, walking along the edge of a cliff in the Tarot deck. He could make it to wherever he's going, or he could wind up six feet under, or for that matter splattered all over the ground at the foot of that cliff. But is that any reason to give up, or to go hide under the bed? If you want to stay safe, sure. But at what cost? Better to go and take the risk than to always wonder from safety. At least, that's what I think. And in time, I hope to look back and say, I did all I could.
So what does the future hold? Well, I plan to retire and live a long time. But that's a longer term goal. In the meanwhile, balancing the checkbook is just as much of a dragon slaying as anything else currently out there. And get my house in order. I keep thinking back to Connecticut and surrounding areas, and often have to catch myself thinking how that's no longer just a quick trip away, and this brave new world is home now. But nonetheless, I hope someday to make it back there, not in defeat, but this time as victor and vanquished, or whatever the phrase is. There's a good deal of things in the past- some good, some bad. It can be useful for drawing strength from, or even just to let your mind wander to stranger and remembered shores. But when that becomes your whole world, then that can harm you. True, there is very little in the way of an actual, objective world, as it's so colored by perspective and our relation to it, but nonetheless, I need to be in it, to focus on the tasks at hand, and stop daydreaming so much. Especially when there's nothing going on, it's easy to slip into a kind of daydream. The problem has been for me recently a lack of perspective, lack of reference points. The sun no longer rises in the same spot every day, the moon doesn't move through phases anymore. So it was that I had to come back into an awareness of the world around me and come back to what's really important in life. I hate to sound all New Age-y, but it's a question of personal development. Either move forward or stagnate, and there's plenty of time to stagnate later. So I'll do my level best not to waste any opportunities to advance. After all, what's the sense in not?

Run This Town

Since there's really not that much doing lately, that song has been stuck in my head lately. I don't know why, perhaps because I heard it so much in AIT. It seems like I've been spending a lot of time thinking back on the past lately, like my first days in the Army. It was tough, but worth it. And now, on regular duty and doing pretty well, it's going fairly well. Fort Sill is not really the best place to build a career, but I'm doing what I can to move forward. This actually came up with Tabatha today- I was telling her how I feel like things are in place, but can't seem to quite figure out where to start, or what the first step should be. It feels a lot like having a huge engine, but spinning it in neutral- which way to drive? That one left me wondering. Well, perhaps I was looking a little too high- she brought me back to earth, as she often will do. She said look at what's right in front of you, which was what I was thinking- okay, everything's right here in place, I've got all the resources I need, now where do I start? Surely there must be some higher, more esoteric purpose for my talents! Well, no, not actually. True, there's a lot that needs to be done, but you need to build a good foundation before you can move upwards.
But at any rate, it's good to have some kind of direction- I spent a good many more years than I would care to remember wandering around, kind of drifting along, without a purpose and clearly defined goal. I find that when this happens, it often leads to trouble for me. So the answer to that is, find a goal and stay focused, and if it turns out that it's not the best route to take, then rethink where you are and where you need to be. For guys like me, there's always a danger of overthinking things. But when it really comes down to it, I find instinct and reason to be the best bet to discover the right path, and sheer determination will get you where you need to go.

Another Day, Another Card

Well, things are progressing along here. This seems to be an exceptionally long week for whatever reason. I've been helping a couple people with Tarot readings, but of course since I told them it was confidential, can't really provide too many details. But I can say, it's always nice to be able to deliver good news to people.
Tabatha is pounding away at learning the Tarot, using the Gilded Tarot, one of the ones I liked myself. She's really making great progress, although in my case there was always a risk of rushing through and missing something important. Personally, I'm giving some thought to modifying readings- I use a 14-card spread, a modification of the old Celtic Cross that everyone and their grandmother probably has seen. I liked the basic design, but found 14 cards can lend a little more clarity to the reading. I've heard there are larger readings, though I haven't tried them out. There are different ones, so like with most aspects of Tarot, try out everything and see what works best for you. That's how I came to use the decks that I have- at last count I think it was five, although I've used two Tabatha owns with good results as well. So here's my recommendation of decks I'm familiar with- nowhere near a complete list, there are thousands out there, but here's a good starting point-
There's the Rider-Waite deck, which is probably the most commonly used deck. Most other decks derive from the symbol set used in this one, and it's generally held to be one of the easier to use decks. I have one, and use it regularly- very simple and easy to use, with kind of medieval/Renaissance-period pictures made with a kind of woodcut pattern and colored.
If you like this deck, I highly recommend the Radiant Waite deck- the pictures and images are pretty much the same, but brighter and a little more three-dimensional. A very nice deck visually, and just as easy to use as the original R-W deck.
Next up is the Fenestra Tarot- it's also very pretty and well-done, and similar in many ways to the R-W deck. Many of the changes are merely cosmetic or details, and can be easily interpreted.
Another deck is the Pagan Tarot- it's one of a number made by Lo Scarabeo following a similar format. Among these is a deck called the Universal Tarot, again similar to the R-W deck- also highly recommended. The Pagan Tarot uses as its theme one person rather than the multiple figures seen in other decks, and this can make it a good starter deck, as the pictures are easy to interpret and set in the modern everyday world. Tabatha also has a Scarabeo deck, the Tarot of the Animal Lords- again, an R-W based deck with animal-headed people and some really striking artwork. I found this really easy to use, although I suppose it depends what each of us is used to.
A deck I use frequently is the Necronomicon Tarot, which is a departure from the norm for Tarot decks, and while slightly morbid and dark, it's a good all-around deck and gives you an interesting perspective on a lot of the cards. I use it regularly, although some people have complained that the grim images have a negative effect on readings. I personally recommend it for people familiar with the Necronomicon, or anyone with a background in ceremonial magic.
Apart from this, I have seen the Viking Tarot, based on the Asatru legends and religious tradition. This may be a little esoteric for some people, but those familiar with these stories will find the deck easy to use and familiar. This is a trick to choosing a Tarot deck- look to what you're familiar with, and go with that. There is probably a deck out there incorporating those images and traditions.
The Gilded Tarot remains a favorite, just for sheer cool pictures. The Major Arcana incorporates lots of mechanical-looking devices, which is an interesting take. The colors are bright and contrasting, and visually I would recommend it. Some of the images are a little on the odd side, such as the High Priestess card and the Devil card- both of these came across as a little vague to me. However, the deck is easy to use and is often recommended as a beginner deck.
The Herbal Tarot is another interesting take on the Rider-Waite deck, incorporating a specific plant or herb for each card, giving both a related image and the Latin name of the plant. I'm not familiar enough with herbology to say too much about the correspondences, but the images are very good line drawings, and the deck is easy to interpret.
Apart from this, I would recommend the Tarot of the Pirates, just because it's so darn cool. But in actuality, the cards are easy to read, and the images very true to the underlying meanings of the cards.
There are a few more advanced decks that I would not recommend for a beginner, mainly because they could be a little more confusing to people not yet familiar with the images and meanings of the cards. However, someone with a little more familiarity may find use for them- one is the Tarot of the 78 Doors- it features a common theme of (obviously) doors, in some sense or another- the images vary in their time and place, but all do convey the essence of the cards.
Another is the Crowley-Thoth Tarot- although I don't generally recommend anything by Aleister Crowley, I think this deck is an interesting take on the Tarot, although definitely not recommended for beginners due to the fact that it's pretty "far out", so to speak.
I personally like to become familiar with multiple decks, although other people recommend finding a deck that works with you and sticking with it. I can see the value of both approaches, although I find familiarizing yourself with more than one deck can provide more insight into each card than just one deck would. Well, at any rate, I hope this has been of some help, and that all goes well.