This Is the New S**t

Boys and girls of every age, wouldn't you like to see something strange?

The time comes when I'll be leaving CT and going to Lawton, OK, home of Ft. Sill. I was assigned to the 214th Field Artillery division, 696th Forward Support Co. It seems I have no home, yet- nowhere that I can stand on a streetcorner and say, this place is home to me. But perhaps as time goes on that will change. Home, after all, is where and what you make of it.
For the past 5 months, I've been working towards this end- establishing a new life, and the final few pieces are falling into place. I have a career, a hope for the future, and a direction and purpose for my life. And now there's nothing left to do but pull stakes and get down there.
There was a time when I was scared- when I was about 14 or so, I spent a couple weeks in Maine, and one warm day found us on the Saco River- the site may still be there, it's been many years since I've been in Maine. But there was a still, deep section of the river, near a factory that at one point must have used the river as power. The result of all this was a huge concrete wall, at the bottom of which was deep water. There was a sheer drop of about 60 feet or so, although it was no great task to swim down the river and get back to the bank, from there to climb back up to the point where you would jump off. I never could quite get the courage up to jump off of there- now I know what I was missing! The fact is, I learned from that experience never to turn away from a challenge, never to back down. This served me well in basic training, and I've never looked back. The only difference is, now there's no deep water underneath me, no safety line. I don't know what will happen next, what will happen if I jump- will I survive, or splatter? As long as my family stays safe and well, I really suppose the two come out to the same thing- and what a ride down! I won't let them down, and will do what needs to be done.

A Bucket of Gasoline

And time winds onwards, towards a long trip down to Oklahoma. Today is a few odd errands, then apart from that move furniture. The usual stuff we need to do before beginning a new life. Hopefully this will be the end of the beginning, and things will settle down. In other world news, I got an offer for a band! They were looking for a bassist, and already have a name- Disposable Heroes. Fitting in some ways for the military (all of us are out of Ft. Sill), but none of us are bitter about the job we chose- we are disposable, although we're some of the most valuable assets the government has. I have high hopes for the band, as there could be a lot of exciting gigs in our future- seems there's not a lot going on around Lawton, but perhaps a local demand for good music- there's a club on post that would be the perfect place to perform, and get everyone excited and moving. Well, at this point I know it's just a pipe dream, but still. With a lot of hard work, I think it could be something great.

Desire, Ignorance and Want

I'll admit, I get freaked out by stupid things. Last night I was re-reading A Christmas Carol, and came across the passage where the Ghost of Christmas Present introduces Scrooge to the children of Man who are under his robe- for those not familiar with the story, the passage is as follows-
“They are Man’s,” said the Spirit, looking down upon them. “And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.”

They are in appearance two dirty, starving children, and represent, well, ignorance and want. Why are they hanging around with the Ghost of Christmas Present? Perhaps because at this time they are both concealed and at the same time more intensely known than any other time of the year. The Spirit says they are "appealing from their fathers"- those people in ignorance, want or both. Why does this scare me so much? Because Dickens is very much right- written on the forehead of Ignorance is indeed doom- the destruction of man. Not nuclear war, not murder and wanton destruction- these things are merely the tools of ignorance. Ignorance itself is much deeper, much more sinister- it uses these things like a musician uses an instrument, and holds in its dirty, scrawny hands the capability to destroy everything man has accomplished.
I always thought ignorance was curable through knowledge- I drew a distinction between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance is simply a state of not knowing; once you know, then ignorance is cured. Stupidity is refusing or actively resisting knowing- I don't want to see, I won't see rather than I did not know. However, I begin to understand Dickens' definition of ignorance, and find it pretty similar to what I had grasped- ignore-ance- what I always thought was stupidity. It's not a state of not knowing, it's a state of either voluntarily or involuntarily turning a blind eye to suffering and want- especially when it's within our power to help other people. In the time and place Dickens wrote, this was especially pronounced, with a huge gap between the richest and poorest citizens.
I think the problem is, as it was then, a little deeper than mere social reform could cure. Ignorance is a two-way street; people who are in want and need may not know how to remedy their situation- however, there are those who simply do not do so. Don't misunderstand, I am a firm believer in giving my fellow men and women a helping hand when they need it- it's a way to a better place for them, and besides, no man stands alone, he stands with the help of his brothers and sisters. However, when a man refuses to stand, how can he be helped?
So the answer is not more charity- it's different charity. I try (and on rare occasions succeed) to live a life of inspiration, to do acts that inspire the goodness in all people. This is not always easy, and I'll admit I've gotten hosed a couple times. But I try to turn no one away who comes to me in need of help. Wasn't it Socrates who said not a life, but a good life is to be chiefly valued?
So what does this have to do with desire? This is a part of ignorance, I've found- no matter where we are, it can be that we see what else is in the world, and how that is so much more appealing than our own situation. But when we get there, there will always be something just beyond our reach, or something we yet do not have. This way lies madness, and is the Buddhist definition of suffering- being unable to enjoy where we are, always continuously looking away from the present to what could be- not what is. I think it's a shortcoming of the language that we have only one word for desire- to desire some things in some way is good- to desire other things in a different way is harmful. To desire, for example, to see a person in need be helped, or to help them, is a good thing. To constantly desire what we do not have is not, and drives us to distraction. And in the end, we can end up losing what would have made us happy all along.

The Greatest Story Never Told

It's another time, another place- I'm continually bothered by weird dreams, and the weird thing is, this one is not beyond possibility, if completely impossible for other reasons. It involved cheating on Tabatha- would this really be so difficult to do if I were of a mind to? Now, keep in mind I'm talking about the actual mechanics of it, not the emotional and mental toll it would take- and besides, it would not be an honorable thing to do. As a soldier, I've found that integrity and honor are important- without these things, we are nothing, just a boy's club in funny uniforms. I probably shouldn't be that concerned about the dream, and here's why- because your dreams allow you to explore concepts and do things you would never do in waking life. It's just another aspect of this new and bizarre situation I find myself in. I also dreamed I had someone reach down my throat and pull out demon residue in the form of a long, tiger-printed gauze scarf. I'd put that on a par with dreaming about cheating as equally probable in waking life.
But then again, the situation is what you make of it. Ft. Sill is kind of a little cowpoke town, but it's what you make of it. It can be a really great place to work, or you can hate every minute of it- it's up to you, ultimately, what you want it to be.
And besides, there are Sonics there- for the longest time here in CT we would watch commercials for Sonic drive-ins, and never could find any here in CT. But down south, you can't throw a rock and not hit one. The food is pretty good, and they asked me right off the bat if I wanted jalapenos on my cheeseburger. Ok, I'm sold! Besides, the food is some of the best I've ever had in a burger joint. The only thing I don't like about the south is that the Wal-Marts tend to drive out other grocery stores. Hopefully I can find fresh vegetables, at least during the summer- I passed a couple of (obviously closed in December) vegetable/fruit stands. Hoping fresh okra and peppers are in my future!

The More Things Change

How long has it been? Less than 10 months, apparently, as Tabatha is listed as a follower on this blog- (my experience has been she's just as good as a leader, too, but that's another story). I was actually surprised to find this still up and running, gathering dust out there. Now it's another time, another place, another life. What has happened between now and then?

Perhaps first and foremost, things have changed career-wise. It's been a while, actually at least 4 months. Basic training has come and gone, as has AIT. If I knew then what I know now, I would have joined up a lot sooner. It's going well, and my current assignment is the 214th Field Artillery Regiment, 696th Forward Support Co. Basically, we get it where it needs to be when it needs to be there. As of late, there hasn't been much that needs to be anywhere, so we've been kind of at loose ends. But as of now, I'm back in CT on leave to get my affairs back in order and ship back to Lawton, OK. (214th is based in Fort Sill, like most of the field artillery divisions.) But I won't be going back alone- Tabatha has agreed to do me the great honor of accompanying me down there, where in time we'll be married. But that's what will change this bizarre little military town to a home- not the endless churches and liquor stores, not the odd people I work with, although these things will definitely help as well. The time I've spent has been a great adventure, with the promise of more to come. For the first time I know I'm out there without a safety net- no one has my back, there's nowhere to run to and nowhere to turn to. So this just continues what I already found out- you can do what needs to be done. Would I have believed I could make it through basic? Would I have believed I could survive everything the Army could throw at me and come out with flying colors? No, I would never have believed it. Which is good, because it relies on actions, not beliefs. But as time goes on, I find that I don't need to sit around worrying and endlessly speculating about what could be, what will work and what won't. Just do it already!

And it feels... cool. To be out there, in the wilds of Lawton, pretty much holding my own life and future in my hands. I could self- destruct, I could go on to lead a long and glorious career, and the only way this happens is by my own hands. But then again, no man is an island, least of all me. I know full well that I can do what needs to be done- that's not what's so cool. The fact is that I can build a new life, make it what I want; create the world I want to live in. And take everyone else with me.

When The Rain Comes

It's a windy Monday, a good day to be outside, unless it starts raining again. The month draws to a close, and July is on its way. Already nearby in the vacant lot a tent is set up- this is a yearly tradition since Connecticut state laws changed to allow the sale of some fireworks- not knowing much about them except don't light them in your hand, I think the laws mean those that would generally not be called dangerous. I don't think rockets can be sold, as the fireworks sold are mostly stationary, Roman-candle type affairs. But the smell of burnt gunpowder always brings back memories. Max, my oldest, is just finishing up kindergarten, then will have a long, rocking summer before becoming a first-grader! In two weeks, as well, will be his 6th birthday. I could say, he's growing up so fast, and that would be right, but also a terrible cliche. I'm proud of him, though. I think his life will be an exceptional one.
I also stumbled across a website (mentioned in Field and Stream magazine, ironically) about PETA killing animals. PETA, of course, has nothing to do with flat bread, and stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. At first glance, this makes sense- after all, animals are alive, so we should be nice to them. Does that include not eating them? Well, that's a matter of choice. If you do eat them, (and I do) encourage developments that allow the animals a peaceful life and a humane end. In other words, kill them quickly and painlessly. If you don't eat them, that's OK, too. There are just about as many reasons for not eating them as there are vegetarians in the world. But back to the topic at hand. PETA is accused of euthanizing the vast majority of the animals that they take in, despite the front page of their website stating specifically, "Animals are not ours to abuse in any way". The website petakillsanimals.com does seem to back this up fairly well, although we can only assume the records they post are accurate. The numbers do show that for every year information is available over 90% of the animals are euthanized that come through the doors of PETA animal shelters. Yet, this is seemingly anathema to PETA philosophy, as they object to hunting and fishing, trapping and generally anything where animals are captured and used for food or by-products. Assigning animals equal status with people seems odd. Animals do, in varying degrees, posess intelligence. However, why then, if they are not to be used as food, are humans capable of eating and digesting them? Also, why are plants considered a source of food? They are undeniably alive, as well. Yet to pull parts off of them to eat, by the same PETA logic, seems also cruel. Why animals are not ours to 'abuse', and plants are, is a mystery. It would seem humanity has cultivated animals, much as they have cultivated plants, to serve their needs. This is a mark of intelligence- man has ceased to be subject to the environment, and now actively shapes his environment to his own needs. Some anthropologists put this turning point all the way back to homo habilis, the first pre-human to implement tools. The use of tools did and does set humans apart from other animals, although in some instances higher primates have adopted tools to a limited extent. So, out of all of this, I draw the conclusions that we are pretty much running the show as far as evolution is concerned. That means that we should do so carefully and responsibly- screw up the planet at our own peril. In the meanwhile, domesticated animals have been kept for millions of years- prior to that, they were hunted for food. It could be a mark of evolution that we no longer strictly need to hunt them, but then again, old instincts apparently die hard. My experience has also been that people who hunt also support conservation and sustainable use of the world- after all, if you wipe out all the animals, what's left to hunt? To say animals are our equals seems kind of silly. I'm fairly confident that your average human would not lose to an average chicken in a fair fight, or a battle of wits. (Of course, there are exceptions...) We have a responsibility to treat animals humanely, and not be cruel to them, especially seeing as it's in our power to harvest animals with very little suffering to them. But to say that we should treat them as equals seems to remind me of the Roman emperor Caligula, who, amongst other less mentionable practices, put a horse in the Senate. Seek a happy medium, it seems.

Demotivation

I stumbled across this random piece of film, thought I would share it with the world. I don't get all the Nazi imagery (bunch of douchebags), but the music is kind of cool, and it does have a weird sense of continuity.

Speaking of weird continuity, I almost finished an interesting book- The Alchemist, by one Paulo Coehlo, late of Brazil. It deals with a young man from Spain who wishes to travel to Egypt, where he will seek out a treasure revealed to him in dreams. A strange start, true. However, the young man is a shepherd by trade, and so, to get to Africa he needs to sell his sheep. This is a pretty drastic step, until an old man pops up and tells him, go for it! So he does. Slowly but surely, he makes his way across the desert, along the way ruminating on something the old man told him, about a Personal Legend. (It's capitalized like that in the book). This Personal Legend is kind of the story of your life, what you're meant to do in the world. (If I'm to actually accomplish something before death, it looks like your humble narrator is pushing the bounds of immortality at this point...) At any rate, the young man looks for and usually finds omens, things pointing him in the right direction. Although a little heavy-handed on the pop psychology, the story is a good one, and the idea of Personal Legends is an interesting one. It also raises the question- do we determine our own destiny, or is it, like a legend, already written? If so, are we the star of this legend, the hero that we know ultimately will succeed, even when he seems in deepest peril, or are we just some extra in someone else's Greatest Story Ever Told, to die along the wayside, perhaps in service to someone else, who will never let our memory die? But then again, perhaps the legend is still being written. From the context of the book, it would seem that our legends are part pre-ordained, part improvised on the spot. Where we go is a product of our own past actions and decisions. However, at every step of the way, we find a decision to be made, another choice, and these can affect what happens next. And on it goes. Perhaps there is a path laid out ahead of us, although that makes life seem pretty overly simplified. All you do is move from one clue to the next. Perhaps it's more organic than that, always shifting based on the decisions we make.

Although on the other hand, having a plan and a destination in mind will help tremendously. Without this, you tend to wander. I spent more than a few years doing just that- instead of making things happen, I waited for them to happen to me. (I don't recommend this as a course of action for your life, by the way). Without a clear purpose, you tend to grasp whatever comes floating down the river. This will usually get you nowhere. Rather, (again, going heavy on the pop psychology), pick a goal and figure out how to get to that goal. Good luck, failing all else!

The Crawling Chaos

It may be just me, or it may be just coincidence, (either explanation is probable), but I can recall dreams of places and things I never have seen before. Of course, nothing is really that strange about that. However, when these things crop up in the real world, it's occasionally unnerving. Take, for example, a recurring nightmare. It centers around a place called Lemuria, which is a legendary continent, country or island, not unlike Atlantis in this way. At any rate, the Lemurian society in my nightmare is an advanced one, but jaded and decadent. Having grown weary of the world, they become evil and corrupt in a search for new experiences. As a result, medical and genetic experimentation is common among Lemurian scientists, although they too have been touched by the corruption in their society. Their experiments go beyond the realm of pure science and even the basic pursuit of knowledge into the realm of the monstrous. What they produced doesn't bear telling here, luckily they tend to have short life spans. Just an overly active imagination on my part? Probably. The strange thing is, this dream occurred, name and all, before I had ever heard of Lemuria in waking life. The strange thing is, there really is a legend of Lemuria- the name prompted some perverse whim to go look it up, and I found that the legends told that Lemuria was indeed an ancient and advanced society- destroyed in part because of their rampant genetic experimentation.
There were also instances of dreaming of Cthulhu, the giant monster/god from space. The story, written by H. P. Lovecraft, says that this entity long ago came to Earth, and inhabited a city called R'Lyeh, constructed according to Cthulhu's ideas, which are not like ours- geometry and structure were completely alien to a human mind. However, the stars in the sky proved to be his downfall, as when their positions change, they rendered the Earth completely unlivable for Cthulhu, subject as he was to their influence. However, his body was not composed of normal flesh- rather, it was a substance that regenerates itself. (this is also alluded to in the story). The result is that Cthulhu cannot die- he was, however, forced to retreat into the city and remain locked away in a tomb or chamber inside. While there, his body is preserved by its regeneration- whatever decays or eats at him has no effect, as the substance of his body simply regenerates again and again. And so there he sat, unable to leave, but able to project his thoughts outward across the world. The result was that men heard these things, and formed a religion around him- Cthulhu promising them that they would inherit the earth if they remain faithful to him and rouse him when the stars are once again right to let him walk on the Earth. Then, however, the city sank into the ocean. This proved to be a problem- Cthulhu's mental projections can't penetrate water. However, the cult was established, and was said to continue on always. The dreams I had were of his return- a huge thing, as Lovecraft put it, 'miles high', that looked down from the sky and sought out people, despite our comparative small size.
The reason this all seems interesting is that Lovecraft himself, author of all these stories and creator of what's now known as the Cthulhu Mythos, first had the inspiration for these things in dreams. They seemed rather detailed, and some people point to this as indicating that what Lovecraft did was tap unconsciously into something that had long been known to the human race, although kept concealed deep in our subconscious. The surprising consistency of these dreams, and their organization does lend some credit to this, although I tend to think there are more broad archetypes of gods and monsters than the specific entities Lovecraft saw. An example is the story Nyarlathotep, which was based on a dream- the author claims to have dreamed of recieving a letter from a friend, informing him that Nyarlathotep would be in Providence (Rhode Island, Lovecraft's home town), and not to miss the performance. In the story, Nyarlathotep appears as a performer or lecturer, drawing people into his control.
All Lovecraft's stories point to a common theme of beings beyond anything known to mankind- most are completely inhuman, by our own standards monstrous and cruel, but not actually evil. We would feel no more remorse about calling an exterminator than they would about wiping out an entire continent. Although these beings pretty much ignore people, they sometimes may make use of them as slaves or a source of food or entertainment. It's an interesting perspective, and makes the place of man seem small and insignificant. Exactly what role humanity does play in the universe, who really can say? Perhaps only the role we ourselves choose, consciously or unconsciously.
There is a good collection of Lovecraft's stories available on-line. While not complete, (I don't think a complete collection exists, although multiple books are out there) this is one of the better ones I've found. The language is somewhat dated, and perhaps a little hard to understand, but the stories are genuinely engaging and more than a little creepy.
http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/index.html
Kudos to Dagon for putting together a great collection~
Check out also the Dark Art gallery- if you're into that kind of art. Actually, I think it's pretty good on its own artistic merits.

Fluffy Bunnies

That term still cracks me up! I don't know when it first came into common usage, but it has come to refer to a practicioner of Wicca who is, well, kind of light and fluffy, without recognizing it as a serious religion. Why fluffy bunnies are limited to Wicca is, likewise, a mystery to me. But fluffiness refers to flaky, New-Agey-let-me-cleanse-my-aura-from-the-negativity-of-male-oppression type people we all sometimes encounter. Again, not to be disrespectful- a sincerely held religious belief can be a very wonderful thing. But there are people who are, well, posers. They seem to think that because they are religious, they have all the answers, or their lives are perfect, or any other person who doesn't think like them is completely clueless. Another pitfall associated with this point of view is that, since they have all the answers, anyone and everyone is simply floundering in the world, and is waiting in earnest for them to come and make everything perfectly clear. Actually, there's a difference between religion and spirituality, although the two may not necessarily be different. Religion is a commonly held set of assumptions or beliefs about the world around you. These beliefs are generally of a speculative nature- that is, things that can't be proven or disproven, although people tend to point to events as proof or evidence.
It's my experience that some of these things can't be readily dismissed. Others can. The principle of Occam's Razor (the best a skeptic can get, tee hee) states that the explanation that requires the fewest number of assumptions is almost always the correct one, when that explanation can incorporate all known facts. However, there are events that do incorporate all known or available facts and still come up short. However, it's an error to go jumping to conclusions- we can say with certainty only. "I don't know".
But back to the fluffiness. These are the "feel-good" people, who are in it for self-gratification or ego stoking. The truth is, what we don't know outweighs what we do know on the order of several billion to one. For every one thing we know, there's several billion we don't. I find it's best not to dwell on this too much, or you'll find yourself wondering why you don't just fall off the face of the earth. The point is, stuff works. Beyond that lies speculation and uncertainty, although that's certainly no reason not to go check it out, to formulate new and more in-depth ideas. And this is a problem with fluffy bunnies- they tend not to question. I've encountered several places where Wiccan authors say that outside philosophies, religions or whatever we're dealing with "brainwash" people. Enter the heroic Wiccans, who will free their minds from shackles! (Again, not many Wiccans actually think like this) And also in actuality, I'm pretty sure Wicca does not and did not exist in a vacuum. Where would any system of understanding the world be if it didn't incorporate outside ideas? It would seem that Wicca has suffered the same pains as many other religions- we're right, you're wrong, end of story. At best, this results in close-mindedness, at worst, people get really hurt. Wicca is a religion, this much is true. But like all religions, it's not an excuse to be a jerk. The interesting thing is, most religions have as their basis compassion and respect for living things.
I've noticed that as a Buddhist- I've been a Buddhist for over 10 years, although all that means is I can sit in the lotus position longer than most people. I don't claim to be an authority- I can tell you about Buddhism, but refuse to present it as (bad pun... wait for it...) gospel truth. It's a system of philosophy that makes sense of the world, and seems to be generally supported by scientific understanding, to the limited extent that science has been able to come to conclusions. The same is true, I think, of most other religions, or spiritual paths. If they allow you to make sense out of the world, love and respect your fellow man, then good. If it rings true with you, it seems to me that there must be at least a spark of truth in it. Truth is truth- would a rose by any other name be less a rose? As we move forwards into the 21st century and beyond, watch out for fluffy bunnies in authoritarian clothing. Let your mind be open, and never assume you have all the answers.

Throwing Stones

I recently started a pretty interesting book- A Brief History of Everything, by Ken Wilber. More like Eastern metaphysics than anything else, it presents one really curious one, that the world is composed of holons- the word was invented by Arthur Koestler, and means something that is both composed of parts and is itself part of a greater whole. Take as a for example a rock- the rock is composed of molecules, which are composed of atoms, which are composed of subatomic particles, and so on down the line. The rock itself is part of a greater system- let's just say arbitrarily it broke off of a larger rock- the larger rock is part of the regional soil and geologic strata- this in term is part of a larger system contained in the earth, the earth is a part of a larger system of planets, and so on- both directions show both a whole and the component parts. This being the case, it's pretty reasonable to assume that the universe is organized, to some extent. However, to go beyond this enters the realm of speculation.

Consider the old problem of the monkeys- the story goes, if a hundred monkeys sit at a hundred typewriters typing away constantly, sooner or later one of the monkeys will type the complete works of Shakespeare. That's true- there is no such thing as a zero probability. However, the problem with this is time- we do not have an infinite amount of time to do this in. The universe has about 12 billion years from beginning to end, at least that's a reasonable estimation. It would take about 10 times that long for anything really significant to happen once- and under this explanation, we need a whole truckload of really significant things to happen. So out the window goes that argument! Chance alone cannot account for the patterns we see in the universe.

Now comes the fun part- people of a religious bent point to this as proof of God- well, yes and no. It proves that something exists- a pattern underlies everything in the universe, and things happen at a rate that cannot be explained by chance. Does that indicate, for example, that a Hindu god runs the universe? No- merely that a pattern is present. Beyond this, we move into speculation and faith. Faith, of course, being belief in the absence of evidence. (that may sound a little harsher than it's intended) By this, though, we can impose whatever characteristics we may want on this force, and call it God. The problem comes in when we start saying, "I'm right, everyone else is wrong". Apart from being pretty egotistical, it's not really anything that can be proven or disproven, as all we can see is the pattern. The pattern itself is really neither good nor bad, but simply is. What we choose to do with it determines whether it's good or bad.

The Code of Chivalry

. I noticed a lot of interesting parallels between knighthood and modern military service. A complex code of chivalry (that is, honor and conduct) governed the life of a knight. This should not be confused with the code of shivering ,which many New Englanders have come to know in the winter months. At any rate, a knight would pledge allegiance to a king in exchange for lands within the kingdom, or, in later years, for cash. The knight would be expected to be ready at all times to defend the king and/or the kingdom, or to go to war at the king's orders. A lot like modern military service- the Oath is a little different (we vowed to defend the Constitution and follow the orders of the President), but the principle is largely the same. I wonder if this is why we call officers "sir"? Perhaps another holdover from those times, like the salute. (The right hand that you salute with would also be the hand that would hold a sword- the gesture is both one of respect and of trust- if your hand is visible, it's not on the hilt of your sword or concealing a weapon).
However, a knight could also court a lady- these would generally be women of the court. The knight would champion them in battle or jousting, as well. Beyond that, a knight could also offer his sword in service to another, as long as that did not conflict with his first duty to the king. Remember, a knight giving his word was considered a binding contract, and to break such a contract meant dishonor for the knight. So a knight would make a symbolic gesture to the person he pledged his help to- this would be not out of a practical sense, as could be said of service to the king, but rather out of love and honor. If the knight had a lady, the service he would render would be either stated or implied. There are about a million and a half rules in the codes of chivalry, and even more in the codes of courtly love. (Do not confuse this with the code of Courtney Love- to attempt to understand that is to invite madness). What this all comes down to for me is- act with honor, and do not give your word lightly. True, there are formal knightships (Elton John and Paul McCartney are both knighted), although I would warrant that the code of honor among men and women ideally would apply to us all. People talk a lot about honor, and it's an easy concept to use- but the real challenge comes when we try to live with honor.

Big Guns, Little Guns

This is an odd one- there are gun-owning gay rights advocates who are rather vocal and militant. One such is Pink Pistols- (you can't make this stuff up...). The link to the article is here- http://washingtonindependent.com/46097/pro-gun-gay-groups-take-aim-at-hate-crimes-bill Their motto- "Armed Gays Don't Get Bashed". That may be true- however, they may well wind up going to jail for manslaughter- the law is notoriously vague on the concept of self-defense and justifiable homicide. It is true, people have a right to own firearms, with the appropriate permits, training, and lack of a criminal background.
But then again, it speaks volumes about the state of the nation when people feel that they need to be armed against hate crimes. Why just gay people, as well? What about women, or for that matter white guys like me? What if some nameless black/hispanic assassin jumps out of the bushes? Come on, don't you guys watch TV news? According to them, they're freakin' everywhere! No one is safe, anarchy in the streets! Women should also be armed- presumably against men like me- I fit the profile, except for being a minority. Mid-20's to late 30's, single, suburban, described by peers as "eccentric"... wow, I better go get a gun to defend myself against myself, just in case I try something! Oh yeah, and to keep the terrorists at bay. Can't forget that- like the army of minorities, they too are lurking everywhere, to blow up our tract houses or something like that.
This may sound strange coming from a member of the Army- actually, I volunteered, and believe in what it is the US does- ideally. I can't say I unconditionally support US military action, but I do believe in the ideals this country was founded on. The ones spelled out in the Constitution, not those of a "Christian nation" (this is actually a common misconception, the state is technically agnostic for all intents and purposes). But telling people to be afraid means ratings. And ratings are the name of the game- unfortunately, the press, at least in this case, is not entirely concerned with "fair and unbiased" news. (Why does that sound so familiar...) But on a positive note, I think people are fundamentally good, or at least from the point of reference of not evil. Wherever you go in the world, we all laugh, we all eat, we all breathe the same air and really just want the same things. And there's enough to go around, although the systems we have in place may not always work to the best interest of everyone concerned. I think Man is unique in that we are the only creatures who still exist despite managing to work against our own best interests on such a wide scale.

Good News- Cigarette Juice

Mainly because my dear friend is a fan of Spagett- yes, this is what I do when you mortals are sleeping. If memory serves, I watched this commercial, such as it is, at the home of my lady friend, who was snoozing at the time. I can recall a habit of hers that warms my heart no end, reaching out and finding her man still there, then, quite secure in this knowledge, goes back to sleep, content that all is right with the world. I only hope I can live up to such a noble standard as this! At any rate, this features the legendary Spagett- insane insomniacs, you know full well who I'm talking about- touting the latest Cincorp invention, Cigarette Juice. I have seen the effects of water on cigarette butts, though admittedly not on what appears to be tea brewed from cigarettes. The Cinco Phone is also worth a look- I'll post a link when I don't have to wage war with dial-up. At any rate, this is repulsive in every way, much like the bulk of this show-and yet, oddly funny. Perhaps that's why they show it on late-night Cartoon Network- speculation abounds. At any rate, you know the so-called Big Tobacco would be doing this- having seen "Russian Flavored" energy drinks (my guess is vodka, which will serve you well when you're low on cash, and maybe have something to mix it with), very little is capable of surprising me any more. This particular (nameless- what's another word for The Metamorphosis?) energy drink I did not try, mainly out of fear for what the results would be. Nonetheless, life goes on, as does late-night cartoons. I remain a big Fullmetal Alchemist fan- were the secrets of alchemy (...) so easy, wouldn't more people have grasped them? Enough randomness- in the hopes, dear readers, that all is well among you.

More Waffles Than A House of Pancakes

It began with John Kerry, and seems to be an epidemic- Democrats not doing anything! Should inertia on such a wide scale spread, it could very well throw the Earth off course! It was a bit of a disappointment, and a little confusing. Obama got some flack from one Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, who was pissed at Obama for saying that it's "time to deliver" on healthcare reform. This is confusing because Obama largely left the details of working out a bipartisan compromise to the Senate. This prompts the question for me- did the President act rightly, and did he need to be involved every step of the way? The one answer is, if this is his kind of pet project, yes. On the other hand, if the Senate can't come to any conclusions on this without constant guidance and hand-holding, what is it exactly that they do on Capitol Hill other than argue and waste billions of taxpayer dollars? I'm not sure Obama acted incorrectly in allowing the Senate to hash something out, as this sounds a bit to me like asking them to do their jobs for a change.
The Prez also was called on being in France while all this was going on. Accused of "sightseeing" by Sen. Grassley, the statement portrayed the Senate as working hard while Obama goofed off. What was Obama doing in France? Actually, commemorating the anniversary of D-Day. Again, this seems to be kind of a gray area for me- this is a pretty noble thing to be doing, and the fact that the Senate seems unable to get it together when the President is there tells me it may not actually matter where he is. I'm reminded also of Bush the Second, who spent more than a little time home on the range down in Texas trimming brush while the Senate presumably argued about the ramifications of the Twin Tower attacks. Was Bush also guilty of "sightseeing?" I would say he was, and remains, guilty of far worse than that.
In a best-case scenario, I would say Obama remains the idealist we voted for, but got bogged down in the quicksand that is American politics. Remember the old joke- if pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Congress. In a worst-case scenario, it would seem Obama promised voters the moon, and once the office was secured, things just went back to politics as usual. Personally, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt- we can't expect sweeping changes to start in an old political system-but with time, all things change. Hopefully for the better.

Waiting for July

June is moving along- the weekend was great, and now it's Monday, which really is like the weekend except it's more towards the beginning of the week. I'm wondering what the next step is- not that things are overly uncertain, but rather that I wonder what the next hurdle will be. In the midst of the fray is fine for me- sitting around polishing the guns (so to speak- I don't actually own a gun) is much harder. But in the meanwhile, I guess the principle of doing things the way I think they should be done seems to be working pretty well. It's been a job getting everything straightened out, but I think we're finally ready to go. Unless something else pops up, and then it's back to square one.
Everyone tells me-don't worry about the future, and they're right. It's probably just good old-fashioned paranoia. I've got a lot riding on this, so I guess it's human nature to be concerned. And the fact that I don't move out until the end of next month means plenty of time to ruminate on it. But in the meanwhile, things are really not that bad. Everyone I've talked to seems more concerned about me coming back in one piece. Being deployed seems pretty much a given, and this looks fairly likely, as there is a regular rotation of troops in and out of the fields of combat, although it's nothing like what we've seen under the Bush administration. But that's a whole other post. At any rate, if so, I'll be a likely target, assuming I'll be doing my MOS. But a likely target is not necessarily a stupid one, or one that's going to go risk his neck without a good reason. But this is the life I chose, and I went into it with both eyes open. And as far as I can see, the benefits outweigh the risks.

Go-Go Trance

Just because- I like this song. If anything, be true to who you are. That probably sounds like some pop-psychology feel-good quick fix, but it runs a little deeper than that. First, you need to learn who you are, find out what you are in the dark. Is there a way to do this without pain? In my case, guess not. What you are is what is left when everything else is ripped away. But then, when that happens- it hurt, but was it anything you couldn't live without? Would I still be here if it was? This stems from something in the Necronomicon (the modern version by Donald Tyson, in case clarification is needed).

Turn not your mind from night fears, but embrace them as a lover. Let terror possess your body and course through your veins with its heady intoxication to steal your judgement, your very reason. In the madness of the night, all sounds become articulate. A man sure of himself, confident in his strength, aware of his rightful place, remains forever ignorant. ...Abandon hope and you shall become free, and with freedom acquire emptiness.

In other words, what are you really afraid of? It's not so much going insane from fear- rather, it's finding what really matters in life. There are those things worth fighting for.

Death To America!

Actually, I look more Afghanistani than this guy... This is the kind of video from bin Laden we want to see! But seriously, if we can all laugh at stupid shit like this, perhaps peace across the globe is not just a pipe dream. Or, we could all just gang up and wipe Romania off the face of the map. (Just kidding, Slavs- you know we love you!) But to be serious- laugh! The world is a funny place, and laughter is perhaps a good medicine to heal the rifts between us. I was kind of waiting for those headphones to fall off his head... origins unknown.

Guerilla Traffic Lessons

I once heard it said that the heights of human capability know no bounds- nor does the depth of human stupidity. I'm inclined to agree. There's a particular intersection I have to cross pretty much on a daily basis- traveling almost always by bike. This intersection is a four way intersection, with a stop light. Nothing strange about this, it's largely like most other four-way intersections across our fair land. However, there must be some overhead wires or something, as it seems to prompt stupidity en masse. As you no doubt no, bicycles tend to favor the right-hand side of the lane. This is to accomodate passing cars, so that assuming they are moving faster, they can continue to do so without interruption from us, plodding up the hill or whatever it is we're doing. At an intersection and at a red light, when encountering a bike on the side of the road, and the bike is not attempting a right on red, assume the biker is waiting there for the light to change to proceed straight through the intersection, and is on the right side so that you, the person in the car, can likewise proceed straight through the intersection, passing on the left. I make it a point to drift a little rightwards, to allow cars plenty of room both to get around the cars coming towards them, and allow them to get around me. And we all live happily ever after. Women, I know I'm the hunkiest guy you've ever seen- please keep your wolf whistles within the confines of good taste, however. (True story).
Now, if you find yourself behind a bike at a red light, the bike is simply sitting there, and you want to make a right, there are two options. Provided that you can do so safely, you may wish to come around on the left, get ahead of the bike and take your right turn. Failing that, simply wait behind the bike if you are unable to pass, and wait for the biker to get into the intersection and subsequently out of your way. If you wish to go around, do so. However, observe the light. If you pull up so far that you can't see the light, you might as well just stay the hell put and wait for the biker to move.
Here's a situation that happens all the time at this intersection- the biker (me) is waiting for the light to change so he can proceed straight through the intersection. Up comes a car behind him, to the red light. Said car now rushes around the biker, who has noticed that the light has turned green, and assumes (not really such a wild assumption, I think) that the driver of the car has likewise observed the green light- although annoying, the car has plenty of time to proceed right and allow the biker to continue on unimpeded. However, despite being in a tremendous hurry to get around the biker, the driver is clearly not in a hurry to proceed further. The driver cuts diagonally in front of the bike, stops dead halfway out into the intersection... and checks to see if there are oncoming cars. If you are this driver, the loud smack you heard is my hand connecting with my forehead. On more than one occasion, I have had to jam on my brakes to avoid drivers doing this. It's really just a minor annoyance to have cars pass too close on the right, or go flying around you to make a turn less than a yard ahead of you. However, these are minor annoyances because they don't actually require any action on my part- shaking my head at the amount of fuel such a jackrabbit acceleration and subsequent slowing down just wasted is not really an obligation on my part. (In case it wasn't obvious, people who forgo cars for bicycles tend to be on the smug side- we know it's obnoxious, and we're working on it, hopefully with government funding in the future). At any rate, would you not be annoyed if someone driving their car cut your own car off, only to stop in front of you? It's insensitive and rude. According to traffic laws, a bicycle is a vehicle. (Technically, bicycles can get traffic citations, too). However, there is an advantage to bicycles- they do not require insurance, and a rider bent in the head enough can ram them with impunity and very rarely damage to the bike. This has occurred to me recently- if I were simply to "miss" the brakes, a nice little controlled crash would result in me being completely unharmed, the side of the car I just rammed into at about 15 miles per hour not faring as well, and the bike taking the brunt of the impact across the front (rubber, air-filled, highly resilient) tire. Why, whatever would the insurance company say? What would the driver say after the insurance company finds out they are responsible for the damage to the car? Of course, leaving the scene might mean that wouldn't you know it, I just happened to get the plate number, Officer. Of course, I might well have jinxed myself into actually not having room to stop, and winding up taking a dive off the handlebars. This too has happened before, though off-road, never in traffic. I still have a scar from a dislocated shoulder that resulted from some abrupt contact between it and hard-packed dirt.
But then again, we should follow legal channels- part of the reason car insurance is so outrageously expensive is because some people abuse cars. Of course, about all of the rest of the reason is because car insurance companies can get away with one of the greater legal scams in history. But I digress. However, I begin to fear that if people like this continue to drive without paying much attention to what they're doing, someone could get hurt. If I was to pull off this little charade, it would be to teach a lesson I'm not at all sure I should be teaching in the first place. If circumstances are different, it could cost a life.

Behind The Veil

Just a random illustration from an old alchemical book- probably the most relevant part is the three triangles- corpus (body), anima (soul) and spiritus (spirit or Divine nature). So why put this up here, apart from the fact that I don't have anything else to do? Alchemy is an old science, and largely a symbolic one. The official purpose is to transmute metals or other substances into gold. About the only way to do this is to go pulling subatomic bonds apart, which is not such a hot idea. However, the real purpose of alchemy is to turn "lesser substances" into "gold". Alchemists developed the idea that we exist on only one of a series of planes- there is the highest plane, which would be God, or the Divine. This is not the bearded dude in a robe God, but rather the highest state of existence- creation realizing its own nature. Below that is the lesser, physical world, where the real nature of what's going on is not realized. Nonetheless, the nature of the Divine kind of imbues all things- everything that is a part of it shares in its nature, and operates according to the principles of it. Like mathematics- everything operates according to mathematical principles, although in many cases the operations of these principles are far too huge for us to fully grasp. The basic principles apply, but to formulate a prediction would involve such a huge number of variables the human race would have come and gone several times over before any of us managed to even get a fraction of it down. In my experience, this is something more to grasp intuitively than logically- oddly enough, the same logical principles as the ones we can readily grasp apply, except on such a huge scale, we simply can't get our brains around it. (No reason not to try, though, says I). There's another illustration around somewhere, where a man is poking his head through a large curtain- the curtain itself is covered with stars, and represents the sky, or the heavens. Behind this, he sees an incredibly complex array of wheels, machines and concentric rings. This stuck with me, as this guy has managed to look beyond the surface and find an underlying pattern, even in the seeming chaos- in other words, he looked past the immediate impressions of the world and saw a greater whole and greater pattern. It's an interesting analogy, and any of us really can see this pattern- reminds me of that old Robert Hunter song- once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right. And really, that's all this is- wherever you look, whatever medium you look through, there is a pattern and order to our existence. Whether or not this is a comforting thought, I think, depends on where you are standing.

Public Service Announcement

Yes, this is a real church. Yes, this is a real religion, inasmuch as that applies. Yes, I am a member. Rev. Stang is a real(?) person, they are based out of Dallas. This is, sadly, one of the sounder philosophies I've encountered- just thought I'd put this out there for your viewing pleasure. Because if you're reading this, YOU MAY NOT BE ONE OF THEM!! But in all seriousness, guys- a touch of surrealism now and then is cherished by the wisest men. Enjoy, my dear readers!

Yoda Busts A Move

Yes, it's silly. But you watched it! The famous 'numa numa song'. I think the words are in Romanian, as to what they're actually talking about- no idea. But it is one of those bizarrely catchy tunes. In an age of incredible technology, when we can communicate across vast distances at the speed of light, we still have silly stuff like this. Enjoy, everyone!

On the Outside

Life on the outside ain't what it used to be
The world's gone crazy and it ain't safe on the street
It's a drag, and I know
There's only one place to go, I'm comin' home,
I'm comin' home
- "I'm Comin' Home", by Cheeseburger

This actually is the theme for the thoroughly bizarre cartoon Superjail. Yet, for some odd reason that song remains stuck in my head, and sums it up. The world sometimes does indeed appear to have gone crazy- but then again, normal and abnormal depend greatly on perspective- it could well be that we only understand abnormal from a commonly accepted and arbitrary definition of normality. Why, then, do we have imaginations and stories, and movies, all of which can create worlds full of strange things? And sometimes, don't we all like to retreat into daydreams? They're often so much more interesting than reality, which can sometimes be a drag. The definition of insanity is the inability to distinguish one's own thoughts from concrete reality. Here's the funny thing- the brain itself cannot or does not distinguish an internal (i.e. thought or daydream) from an external one (something really happening in the world around you). So how do you know what's real and what's not? The line is somewhat blurred. Say you're walking down the road, and someone runs up, points at your feet and yells "snake!" However, the snake turns out to be a piece of rope or a stick lying on the ground. Eventually, you would figure that out. In the meantime, if you're afraid of snakes, you would probably react to it as if it were a real snake. You reacted the same- the actual reality of the snake is secondary to the fact that if it were a real snake, you would have done the same thing. However, the way to figure this out is to come up with some kind of consensus as to what's going on anyway. You can observe the world, and if your observations jibe with other people, (let's not open the can of worms from the question, how do we know the other people are outside observers and not just figments of our imagination) we can generally accept that as reality. But again, there really isn't any hard and fast way to tell if the world around you is just an elaborate daydream or not. You can imagine yourself flying, but may not be able to do it in real life- perhaps your mind doesn't believe you can fly, so you cannot fly in your daydream. Or perhaps you are just subject to your own mind- generally when we think of dreams, we can control the content. However, there are dreams you cannot control the course of, and these you either wake up from or ride out. Not that all of them are bad, there could be some fun dreams where you don't have control, too. But at any rate, the point being- this could be a dream. I could be a part of your imagination, telling you this, perhaps because your mind wants to wake up from the dream, and so it invented me, or invented these words. Or it could be that I'm dreaming this, and that I just imagined writing this, imagined posting it, and in reality no one will ever see it, as I'm actually dreaming somewhere, perhaps tucked away in a cave and not aware of it. Okay, enough weirdness for one day. Go outside- look at the sun. I'm pretty sure we all live under the same sun, all of us on the same earth. So if that's the case, let's all assume things are hunky-dory, and we're all sane. Because the alternative is just too darn depressing.

Rules of Engagement-Horror Films

In a new age of great horror, it's a good time to revisit some of the ground rules should you find yourself in a horror film. This can help you avoid becoming one of the pretty/annoying/creatively killed members of whatever party you find yourself in the situation with. While not intended as an all-inclusive guide, these rules can significantly increase your chances of survival.
1. Don't do it. These three words can make all the difference in the world. Whatever it is, if you have any doubts, don't do it. If it seems dangerous, don't do it. If you doubt that it is entirely safe- don't do it. Countless victims have spent their last moments saying, "I shouldn't have done that", be it opening a door, going into a house, looking somewhere they shouldn't have done, or showing up in the first place.

2. Do not abandon weapons. Often, an object suitable for use against whatever horror from beyond the grave is chasing you will be on hand. Know the location of weaponry, keep a clear route open to said weaponry, and don't be afraid to use it. Also, don't drop it and run away- usually a monster will pause and rethink his/her/its options if you are carrying a large and destructive object. Use this to your advantage.

3.Listen to the town drunk/crazy old man/woman/local legend. Often these will contain clues that will indicate a monster's weakness or secret. If any of the above people tells you not to do something, see rule #1. Likewise, if they have a helpful suggestion, follow it, however silly it may sound. These people inexplicably will know more than you, so listen to them and follow their advice.

4. If you observe some strange or unexplained phenomena involving any of the following, leave at once and do not return-
-appliances, especially electrical or electronic ones
-light fixtures or switches
-furniture, especially paintings, mirrors, beds or cabinets
-anything and everything in your kitchen including but not limited to the stove and refrigerator.
-animals, especially domestic animals such as cats or dogs
-bladed, pointed or serrated tools
- fireplaces
-windows

5. Trust no one, especially if they begin acting strangely or speaking in an unusually deep or odd-timbred voice.

6. If no one lives there, there's a reason for that. Do not conduct your own investigation into what may or may not have transpired there. Assuming the worst is almost universally the best assumption.

7. Secure all weapons as early as possible- if you notice any object that could serve as a weapon missing or out of place, leave immediately.

8. Avoid alcohol and/or sex- both tend to distract you when the monster is calmly and unhurriedly strolling up behind you. If you must, establish a designated "safe zone" for drinking, sleeping and fooling around in.

9. Know your history. Family heirlooms, curses, eccentric relatives or persons should be given special attention, as this can provide some insight into what you are dealing with.

10. You will encounter various terrains- some to avoid are-
-enclosed spaces
- narrow passageways
-underground passageways or structures, naturally occurring or constructed
- attics
-basements
-abandoned industrial areas or industrial areas currently under construction, despite the likely availability of weaponry.
- secret or concealed areas, especially if said area has been boarded over, plastered over, does not occur in the original building schematics, or is otherwise sealed off or closed.
- disused bedrooms, especially if the bedroom has been sealed or closed off
-heavily wooded areas, especially in the absence of a trail or map
-disused buildings- the distance this building is from a main road, town or civilization is directly proportional to the likelihood of encountering a monster there.

11. Should you encounter the monster face-to-face, communication is usually ill-advised. Should the monster attempt to communicate with you, use this opportunity to kill or incapacitate the monster, as many monsters employ a tactic of deceptive information or presenting a false front to put a victim off-guard.

12. Assume that the monster is not dead. The only exceptions to this are complete destruction, decapitation or other loss of physical form. If the monster's body is not visible or has not been recovered, leave immediately. It is more than likely that the monster is regrouping for a renewed assault.

13. Avoid saying "we made it", "we won", 'we survived" or any ironic remark directed to the monster. Chances are if the monster is still alive, this will anger him/her/it and will prompt further antagonization.

14. Do not seek out the monster in any way, shape or form. This includes but is not limited to-
- calling out or inviting a monster to attack. Being fairly polite, monsters rarely refuse an invitation.
- calling the name of a missing and unresponsive peer- almost always it is safe to assume this person is deceased. Any reappearance of this person acting strangely or unresponsively is an indication to leave immediately.
- digging up graves or invading a suspected resting place of the monster, despite rumours or knowledge of money or valuable objects concealed therein. If you do manage to obtain these things, you may be prompted to return them as a condition of escape and/or defeating the monster. Removal of these objects may also prompt a monster attack.
-looking in, behind or through doors, cabinets, windows, rooms or anything not in broad daylight. If the monster is concealed, it is because the monster is waiting for you to come find it. Not looking for the monster sows confusion, andcan allow you more time to arm yourself, escape or prepare for close combat.

15. Perhaps most importantly, don't assume the monster is dead or absent. Monsters are notoriously patient, and will readily wait for decades for the chance to get out into the world again. A previous victory over the monster means it is advisable to steer clear of the last place you saw and/or fought the monster, as they are also notorious grudge-holders, and will remember you in an instant.

As the monsters improve and become more sophisticated, no doubt further rules will come in handy. Remember that the best policy in any situation is common sense, and if you must fight, pull no punches. Happy hunting!

June

Today is the first of June! This is a good thing, as it means that school will soon be out. I'm not in school, but that's a good thing for people who are and want to get on with the business of summer. Two months and counting until my ship date! It's true, I'm going to be in the South in the sweltering heat, but that's okay. Perhaps more sweltering heat awaits in my future. If I get deployed to combat, I get deployed. Warfare is not glamorous or exciting- rather, these people are just as human as I am- they are fathers, sons, brothers, mothers, sisters and daughters, too. Their lives are worth no more or less than mine, and were circumstances different, our positions could be reversed. But nonetheless, I took an oath to both defend the Constitution and follow orders, with the full knowledge of what that could entail, and will bear the consequences, karmic or otherwise.
On a lighter note, we took Max out fishing yesterday, in pursuit of the elusive bass. The elusive bass evidently had set up a cozy home under an overhanging tree branch in the Windsor Locks canal, and wouldn't budge if it meant a whole plate full of worms with hot sauce. The lack of hits we got was probably due to the mayflies- they were laying eggs on the water, and in so doing became a ready meal for fish. With all the food literally dropping out of the sky, the fish were probably not that interested in pursuing a meal that required a bit more effort to go out and get. However, there were a lot of fish in the canal, mostly small ones, though. But, of course small fish in time develop into bigger fish. There were two carp, who seemed on pretty social terms. These two carp looked for a moment like the ones above- symbolic of the idea of moving freely in the water (symbolic of the world) without drowning or being caught up in it. I'm told they also represent the Yamuna and Ganges rivers in India. The fish are a common symbol in both Buddhism and, earlier, in Hinduism. Not that any of that has any real bearing on carp in the canal, as carp don't eat worms as a general rule, and I've heard they don't taste that good, either. But apart from that, it was nice weather to knock around and do very little productive with. In the hopes that all your Junes are good ones!

Somewhere in Egypt...

Well, last night was certainly exciting! I went to see Drag Me To Hell, and thought it was really good. The ending was a real surprise, although all the clues as to what could happen were laid out right in front of you. Looking back, I can see why there were comparisons to the Evil Dead movies. I would have said more specifically, Evil Dead 2, as there seemed to be a couple nods to fans here and there. But if you're ready for a good jump-out-of-your-skin scary movie, check it out. My sister said it reminded her of a haunted house, where you're never sure what's going to jump out at you next- I agreed. Of course, us haunted house veterans live for that kind of thing. I've got to admit, I don't think I'll ever be too old for stuff like that. And if I do get too old, well, I'll have to start lying about my age.
In other news, I started on something that has begun to turn into a huge project- I began a series of drawings based on the Tarot's Major Trumps. I began with the Magician, the second card in the series, and am going pretty much out of order. But as I go, I get ideas for the other cards in the series, and strangely enough, it seems to be taking shape around this imaginary night club in Egypt. Why Egypt, I don't know- perhaps the Middle Eastern imagery works well. The Magician wears a fez and a mask, and performs on a small stage in the club. Death waits at the bar, dapper down to the rose in his tuxedo's lapel, watching the sand run through an hourglass. The Wheel will be a fortune-telling machine in a corner of the bar- these are the only three currently being worked on, but I think they're coming out pretty good. Silly, I know, but the inspiration kind of came to me, and I thought it would be fun to do them as somehow all tied together, the nightclub itself being kind of an analogy to the world we live in, with each scene representing some different aspect of that. This will no doubt turn into an ongoing project, but who knows? Maybe it'll look pretty cool in the end. I don't know if I'll come up with a scene for all 22 cards, but I've seen much stranger sets than this. Wish me luck!

Tarot Origins And Current State

This is from the Crowley Thoth Tarot, not really recommended for beginners, but that's okay, as it looks pretty cool. Aleister Crowley, of course, is at best a dubious source of occult knowledge, at worst a fraud and weirdo. I can recall getting flack from church-going friends about becoming a student of the Tarot. The usual response- Tarot is 1. demonic and/or of the Devil, 2. will prompt you to explore the occult, and guarantee your passage to Hell, 3. an affront to God, and 4. forbidden by the Bible, or 5. All of the above. By way of response, I have read the Bible cover to cover five times. (Not in one sitting, obviously). The best that I can figure is that there were reasons for forbidding certain things- for example, the people were not to eat pork due to improper cooking procedures that would result in becoming sick from it. So in the interest of keeping people alive and well, pork is off the menu. The famous passage in Leviticus, (ch. 22, verse 18) that says "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live", that is, go kill witches, is another example. The original wording of this has a variety of interpretations, none of which have the slightest thing to do with actual witches. The most accurate version I've heard is do not allow a poisoner to live- someone who uses and creates poisons- an assasin, in other words. Again, having someone running around and poisoning your friends and family is clearly less than desirable. Was this inspired by God, or just practical, common knowledge? I leave that for you to decide.

The Tarot has been grouped together with witchcraft, which in turn has been grouped together with the occult practices for as long as anyone can remember. However, the Tarot has existed for quite a while, and in its simplest form, is nothing but a deck of cards. What you do with them varies widely from application to application- to say that these harmless pictures are evil or bad is rather silly, it seems to me. If indeed we are made in God's image, how is it that something so simple can lead us astray so quickly? Seems to me to be something of a glaring flaw in our design. But at any rate, the history of the Tarot is a long and complicated one- suffice it to say that no one is really sure where they came from. However, it looks like they began as simply a deck of cards, paralleling the more well-known playing cards- these were developed in France and bore simplified versions of the suit symbols for ease of printing and manufacture. Tarot did not become a tool for divination until around 1776, when a Frenchman named Antoine Court de Gebelin encountered an ordinary deck of Tarot cards, and subsequently began a long process of assigning and interpreting arcane meanings from the cards. In actuality, this is the basis for Tarot divination, and can be applied to pretty much any system you want to use it for- an interpretation of a pattern in some part of the world around you can then be extrapolated to include the whole. And so it was that Tarot became used for divination, and summarily condemned by the Church. The Tarot existed before the Church condemned it, presumably in harmony with it, although gambling was generally condemned by the Church as well, and where there are cards, there is always someone who uses them to gamble with. The cards later were incorporated into various systems of magic and witchcraft, however they are not limited to them. I find the principles operate pretty much independently of any system of religion, although individual experience can and will affect how the cards are interpreted.

However, there is an interesting article on the alternate origins of the Tarot- http://www.yhwh.com/Tarot/Tarotint.html that indicates the origins are from Jewish mysticism. It's true, there are Kabbalistic correspondences in the Tarot, but again, whether these are deliberate, accidental or simply point to a greater common ground in all of human understanding, I doubt anyone really knows for certain. There are even Christians who use the Tarot, I'm told. But again, I leave it up to each person to find their own path through all this. Find a way that works for you, and use it!

Mama Tara's House of BBQ

Recently I watched a pretty good film- Zen Noir, which is a takeoff on the film noir genre of movies. This movie has, like all film noir movies, a private detective, trenchcoat and .38 revolver and all, a lost love of the detective's, and what at first appears to be a murder. However, it goes on from there into a commentary on Zen Buddhism. Actually, students of Zen will recognize common questions and riddles that they probably encountered in their own practice. So as time goes on, various questions are answered, but we never learn the detective's name. Zen has often used seeming nonsense to strip away layers of analysis and thought, and bring the student to a state of initial understanding- this is difficult to describe, but a good analogy I've encountered is a mirror- the mind of a Zen student should be like a mirror- the mirror simply reflects, and does not choose or pass any judgement on what it sees. However, in order to come to such a state, the student needs to remove countless layers of perception and analysis. The film reminded me of a koan I once studied- (A koan is a term for a riddle presented to Zen students- they have to 'solve' the puzzle, or give an answer. Students have spent years on single koans- the more I study them, the more I find layers of meaning in them, too) But this is one of my favorites-

Nansen saw the monks of the eastern and western halls fighting over a cat. He seized the cat and told the monks: `If any of you say a good word, you can save the cat.'No one answered. So Nansen boldly cut the cat in two pieces.That evening Joshu returned and Nansen told him about this. Joshu removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Nansen said: `If you had been there, you could have saved the cat.'

In this story we have the cat- don't worry, the cat wasn't really cut in two- that's just an analogy, it's not common Buddhist practice to go cutting animals in half. The "good word" Nansen asks for is also called a "turning word", and means a word, gesture or action that demonstrates understanding and at the same time communicates that understanding to everyone else- Joshu's sandals, for instance. The cat is just an example here- what the two halls of monks are arguing about is the nature of the cat- what is its nature? Let's say, West Hall says "the cat is A, but not B". But East Hall says, "No, the cat is B but not A". So in comes Nansen, and notes that because of this disagreement, the cat is already in two pieces. Actually, neither of the halls are correct- to say something is and is not is not considered a useful practice in Zen. So Nansen here is really asking- does anyone have understanding enough to get past "this and that" and tell me the true nature of our feline friend?" Probably the monks were too busy trying to disprove the other (debate remains to this day a lively practice in Buddhist schools of all stripes) that they were too busy to simply see that the cat is. True Zen understanding would end at "cat". No more, no less. Again, this is difficult to explain. However, the cat is already cut in two pieces, as it were. Nansen did not need to do anything except reveal this fact to the monks.

Now in comes Joshu, who appears frequently in Chinese koans. I always pictured him as a tall, kind of goofy-looking guy with a perpetual dumb grin on his face. But he always seems to find the heart of the matter. In this case, he simply answers Nansen's question- here's my understanding. Bye! This is an interesting common thread- the response often seems at first glance strange or completely unrelated, but deeper examination shows that in the sense (or lack thereof) of Zen, the answer rings true.

However, my school is Mahayana, not Zen. But at the end of the day, I guess we're all on the same page. There are a wide variety of Buddhas in Mahayana, and it's the Mahayanas that produce much of the Buddhist art you see around. My particular Buddha is Tara, or more specifically, Green Tara. There are 21 manifestations of the same gal, who is considered the mother of Buddhas. Not literally, as the Buddhas are not really identified as being born or dying- they're just kind of there. Tara, so the story goes, was created from a tear of Chenrezig, a male Buddha who has a thousand arms. The reason being, he is then able to help all living beings, but not even his thousand hands could manage. So, seeing the incredible scale of the work he needed to do, he shed a tear in despair- from this tear a lotus grew, and on that lotus was Tara. I'm also told this particular deity dates back to the shaman cults of Tibet, which existed prior to the introduction of Buddhism- Tara became a Buddha, whereas prior to this she was a snake goddess. I've heard the term, but have never really been able to determine what a snake goddess is or does. But long story short, she became Tara Drolma in Tibet and the Himalayas, meaning roughly "Mama Tara". In other words, she is able to watch your back, and respond quickly to anyone who calls on her. This gets into the question of what do you need a god for? To bail you out? Well, experience tells that this doesn't happen- as you sow, so shall you reap, or something like that. But again, technically Buddhas are not gods- they are Buddhas. Most of the Buddhas are largely symbolic- students try to embrace and embody the characteristics of the Buddhas. In Tara's case, selfless service and compassion. This is another interesting point- compassion vs. pity. Compassion is not the same as pity- pity says, "oh, you poor creature, down there in the dirt! I feel sorry for you!", whereas compassion says, "You creature in the dirt, take my hand and let me help pull you up- you belong upright, embracing your full potential! That which can walk should not be made to crawl." And apart from many diverse elements, this is the core of what Buddha actually taught and meant. Now go drink your tea!

Towel Day

The day comes, as it does every year since 2001- National Towel Day, to honor author Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. From this book, originally a series of BBC radio broadcasts, comes the book, and from the book, an on-line Guide, an ambitious attempt to put together all the world's knowledge, practical or less so. Towel Day is every May 25th- now I know you're dying to know how, exactly, to celebrate Towel Day. Simple- carry a towel with you all day. And if anyone asks you, remember to tell them- the universe is a tough place. You've always got to know where your towel is.
Why a towel? Well, the book mentions that a towel is the single most useful object in the universe, and provides several examples of how a towel can be used. Although most of us don't venture off the planet very much, a towel does have many practical applications here on our own humble corner of the cosmos. And as time has gone on, the phrase "to know where your towel is" has taken on a new and different context- to know where one's towel is means to be prepared, to be with it, to know what's going on and what to do about it. Thus, knowing where your towel is can be a useful characteristic.
Somewhat more bizarre, although not by much, is X Day. X Day falls on July 5th, the first occurence being July 5, 1998. This was the date established by the Church of the Subgenius (actual organization) upon which the earth would be invaded and conquered by aliens- the X-ists, also called Men from Planet X. Apparently this has nothing to do with the black-and-white film of the same name, although surprising similarities do exist. For more information on this, go out and find a copy of Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon. I could tell you about it, but then what's the point of reading such an obscure piece of arcana? See Chapters 10 and 11 for full details. So at any rate, X Day came and went, and we're all still here. Like any good cult, the Church did not admit defeat, or even that they were wrong. Conspiracy theories abounded, as conspiracy theories are the core rhetoric of this particular Church. Looks like the Church saved our collective bacon on that one... or did they? The question arises, do any of us really believe in the Church's teachings? The most common answer is, why the hell not? It's more fun that way. But now, every day on July 5th, X-Day is celebrated with X-Day drills, which are basically big keg parties (take that, church picnics!!) with various weirdness interspersed. Picture Burning Man with guys in Roman collars, and you've pretty much got it. The funny thing is, there is also a burning figure, in this case an effigy of the Church's mythical and probably fictional founder, one J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, a one-time salesman turned prophet and visionary. For the full details of this complex and relevant religion, check out the site- www.subgenius.com . Of course, you'll be repeatedly solicited for money, and presented with the opportunity to "wash your sins away and be presented with brand-new ones". The funny thing is how much sense this particular religion makes. If you suddenly become converted, don't come blaming me.
Other fun holidays include the Feast of Fabulous Wild Men, every year January 12th- basically, it involves relentlessly checking out every attractive man that crosses your path. (straight men, you can either be the checker or checkee, depending on preference). January 23rd is, of course, Pie Day, when pies are celebrated for the fact that they are pies. And good to eat. Then next month is National Cherry Pie Day, February 20th. However, you may wish to celebrate this on Valentine's Day by baking your sweetie a cherry pie. Also of note is Lost Sock Memorial Day, every year May 9th, when we take a moment to remember the lost socks that have gone before us. Or something. Well, as the saying goes- X-Day is A'Comin! So, meet me somewhere, some time, and we'll have ourselves a ball, and show those aliens we Earth men still know how to have a good time! Cherry pie will probably be served.

Holy Blood And Gore, Batman!

Well, it looks like the Fangoria convention is in town! I'd love to go, but don't think it's in the budget. There's always next year, though! I read through the guest list, and was bummed I can't make it this year- there are a whole slew of people I would love to meet- Caroline Williams and Marilyn Burns, from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 1, respectively, Kane Hodder, from many of the (better) Friday the 13th movies, Russ Steiner from the original Night of the Living Dead, (Johnny, who actually doesn't make it past the first scene of the movie before getting killed) and Ashley Laurence and Doug Bradley, from the Hellraiser movies.
These last were my long-standing favorites, and the two characters actually provide an interesting contrast. On the one hand is Bradley's urbane Pinhead, leader of the Cenobites. A cenobite is a Latin term meaning a monk, or member of a religious order. Although never identified in the movie, the story it was based on identifies them as members of the Order of the Gash, also called Gashites. They exist somewhere "at the upper reaches of human experience" and can be called here by a willing soul to provide him or her with "new experiences". These generally involve what would generally be called mutilation and torture, but in this context are perhaps a little harder to define. But at any rate, Pinhead, so named because of the elaborate grid drawn on his face, each intersection marked by a metal pin, shows up when certain conditions are met to claim the soul for his own enjoyment. Again, in the book and subsequent stories, there are many ways to meet these conditions. The movies identify only one, a now-famous puzzle box that had been constructed in the 15th century and later enchanted by black magic to produce a way for the Cenobites to reach whoever opened (solved) the box. However, the interesting thing about this is Pinhead himself- he displays no emotion, no pleasure, and no fear. Originally recruited by the Order for his emptiness and jaded spirit, he now lives or exists solely to feed off the emotions and suffering of others. He is little more than an animal, albeit an intelligent one. He no longer takes pleasure in his work, if he ever did. All this exists solely as a means to fill his need, give him some relief from his own emptiness. The box is opened, he comes and takes the person away, keeping them in some kind of limbo where their bodies can be destroyed and reassembled time and time again. I always thought this made him an effective monster, like a juggernaut. He has no conscience, he cannot be appealed to, he has no humanity. But at the same time, he has but one purpose, and will carry that purpose out unerringly, and cannot be stopped.
The humans in these movies are something different entirely, and perhaps are even more monstrous than Pinhead. They open the box with the full knowledge of the consequences, yet are so jaded, so dulled in the senses that they will do anything for a new experience, some new debauchery to provide however passing a thrill. These are the real monsters, it seems. Because they were once human- Pinhead is not, he has had the humanity somehow extracted from himself. But these humans were once capable of happiness, before they became the thrill junkies they currently are. The only reason Pinhead exists is because of people like this- what they have is never enough, what they experience is never thrilling enough.
And the interesting thing is, that this is a condition long known- the pursuit of something more, be it more of some addiction, whatever form that may take, or the pursuit of some greater conquest, more money, more status, or more of anything. There's a fine line between wanting to improve your situation and gain solely for the sake of the conquest. And this seems to be, at least in the first couple movies, what the real horror is. That's the best way I can come up with to describe it- if you're up for it, I'd rec0mmend seeing the film. There's an edited version and a director's cut- go for the director's cut if you can find it, I think the scenes left out do actually have relevance to the movie. Be advised, however, this is not for the faint of heart, and not just for the blood and gore, either, although this does factor into it. The film paints a very grim picture of human nature, and this, I think, makes it a good film. If you make it to the end, go outside and see the sunshine and the flowers- try to find the good in every person, as I believe it's there, however far below the surface it may be.

Bike Route

I decided it was a good day for yet another bike ride. Actually, anything short of hurricane conditions is a good day. There are no real bike routes to speak of, and those that are in the vicinity go nowhere useful. I've often wondered that- what the purpose of bike routes are that first, people also walk on (again, this is a good thing to be doing, but putting people on foot and people on bikes in close proximity is asking for trouble) and that the bike routes seem to terminate abruptly at some random point. Are people on bikes likely to suddenly forget where they were going and go back the way they came to regroup? There is a scenic value to the average bike route, but unfortunately no practical one. I've heard from people who don't use bike routes on principle, finding them rather pointless. But sharing the road with cars is occasionally a challenge. I ride a bike everywhere not because I don't have a car, (actually I don't- fact is I can get by without one for now) but because I prefer a bike. My rationale is first, it's good exercise, second, everyone thinks of you as That Crazy Guy On The Bike (easy identification, especially in a small town like this), cost-effectiveness (no fuel costs, unless you count food and water) and ease of use. Besides, if you get tired of waiting for traffic lights, you can usually find a way around them. But technically you're subject to traffic laws- thus, if you're doing something stupid and you get hit, well, that's kind of your own lookout. If someone else is doing something stupid and hits you, then that's usually their fault. So be careful. Actually, most people behind the wheel of a car, (as opposed to being behind one of two wheels) are courteous and careful. Some are not- my advice is screw with them mercilessly. I can recall one cool fall day in East Hartford, waiting at a red light. I had moved to the left-hand side of the lane, the reason being that first, this is what you're supposed to do, second, that this allows drivers behind me to both get around and have me out of their way. So I wait at the red light, mind wandering as usual, when a car pulls up behind me. Nothing unusual about this, this is a fairly populated area, and bikes abound. This driver, despite being at a red light, decided my waiting at the light was somehow interfering with his waiting for the same light, and laid on the horn. Not one to be intimidated and move out of the way, I decided to play innocent and figure out what he wanted. I parked the bike in front of his car (a big Buick luxury car, if that's at all relevant), forcing him either to run it over or go around, (I already had noted his plate number, should the former occur) and went over to his window with a puzzled expression to see what was the matter- did I have a flat tire? Was I in some danger I was unaware of? The driver was forced to back up, go around the bike, and run the red light hauling ass away from me, no doubt expecting a beating with a water bottle or something. (not that I was interested in violence, as that would result in me getting in trouble rather than him). But still, it's the little things that get you through the day. Or the ride. I think I was heading to the grocery store that day.
On a completely insane note- check out the following- www.mountainbikemilitia.com - all your paranoid conspiracy theories, now in a convenient two-wheeled model!

Learning to Draw

In my spare time, I decided to do something worthwhile- we're never too old to expand our horizons, I guess. At any rate, I decided to learn to draw. This is about the extent of what I can do so far, apart from pencil sketches. Cartoons always seemed to come somewhat easy, as anatomical proportion takes a back seat to message, but anyway, hope you like it! Apart from that, I'm reading up on the subject, and have produced a couple pretty decent sketches so far. Not that I plan on making a business out of art- leave that for the pros. But it is enjoyable, and I'm learning some pretty interesting things- like the features on the average human face

start about halfway down the total area of the front of the head, and you can put your thumb against the side of your pencil, or whatever you're using, to determine the correct perspective for a feature or object. It will, oddly enough, stay about the same from your viewpoint to the paper. Unless you're doing something like painting a mural on the side of a building, or something like that. But anyway, the above was done on ordinary copy paper with marker and crayons. And since it's now out there on the Web, guess I'll have a good motivation to follow up on it, and keep working at it, since it's no longer a secret.