In a new age of great horror, it's a good time to revisit some of the ground rules should you find yourself in a horror film. This can help you avoid becoming one of the pretty/annoying/creatively killed members of whatever party you find yourself in the situation with. While not intended as an all-inclusive guide, these rules can significantly increase your chances of survival.
1. Don't do it. These three words can make all the difference in the world. Whatever it is, if you have any doubts, don't do it. If it seems dangerous, don't do it. If you doubt that it is entirely safe- don't do it. Countless victims have spent their last moments saying, "I shouldn't have done that", be it opening a door, going into a house, looking somewhere they shouldn't have done, or showing up in the first place.
2. Do not abandon weapons. Often, an object suitable for use against whatever horror from beyond the grave is chasing you will be on hand. Know the location of weaponry, keep a clear route open to said weaponry, and don't be afraid to use it. Also, don't drop it and run away- usually a monster will pause and rethink his/her/its options if you are carrying a large and destructive object. Use this to your advantage.
3.Listen to the town drunk/crazy old man/woman/local legend. Often these will contain clues that will indicate a monster's weakness or secret. If any of the above people tells you not to do something, see rule #1. Likewise, if they have a helpful suggestion, follow it, however silly it may sound. These people inexplicably will know more than you, so listen to them and follow their advice.
4. If you observe some strange or unexplained phenomena involving any of the following, leave at once and do not return-
-appliances, especially electrical or electronic ones
-light fixtures or switches
-furniture, especially paintings, mirrors, beds or cabinets
-anything and everything in your kitchen including but not limited to the stove and refrigerator.
-animals, especially domestic animals such as cats or dogs
-bladed, pointed or serrated tools
- fireplaces
-windows
5. Trust no one, especially if they begin acting strangely or speaking in an unusually deep or odd-timbred voice.
6. If no one lives there, there's a reason for that. Do not conduct your own investigation into what may or may not have transpired there. Assuming the worst is almost universally the best assumption.
7. Secure all weapons as early as possible- if you notice any object that could serve as a weapon missing or out of place, leave immediately.
8. Avoid alcohol and/or sex- both tend to distract you when the monster is calmly and unhurriedly strolling up behind you. If you must, establish a designated "safe zone" for drinking, sleeping and fooling around in.
9. Know your history. Family heirlooms, curses, eccentric relatives or persons should be given special attention, as this can provide some insight into what you are dealing with.
10. You will encounter various terrains- some to avoid are-
-enclosed spaces
- narrow passageways
-underground passageways or structures, naturally occurring or constructed
- attics
-basements
-abandoned industrial areas or industrial areas currently under construction, despite the likely availability of weaponry.
- secret or concealed areas, especially if said area has been boarded over, plastered over, does not occur in the original building schematics, or is otherwise sealed off or closed.
- disused bedrooms, especially if the bedroom has been sealed or closed off
-heavily wooded areas, especially in the absence of a trail or map
-disused buildings- the distance this building is from a main road, town or civilization is directly proportional to the likelihood of encountering a monster there.
11. Should you encounter the monster face-to-face, communication is usually ill-advised. Should the monster attempt to communicate with you, use this opportunity to kill or incapacitate the monster, as many monsters employ a tactic of deceptive information or presenting a false front to put a victim off-guard.
12. Assume that the monster is not dead. The only exceptions to this are complete destruction, decapitation or other loss of physical form. If the monster's body is not visible or has not been recovered, leave immediately. It is more than likely that the monster is regrouping for a renewed assault.
13. Avoid saying "we made it", "we won", 'we survived" or any ironic remark directed to the monster. Chances are if the monster is still alive, this will anger him/her/it and will prompt further antagonization.
14. Do not seek out the monster in any way, shape or form. This includes but is not limited to-
- calling out or inviting a monster to attack. Being fairly polite, monsters rarely refuse an invitation.
- calling the name of a missing and unresponsive peer- almost always it is safe to assume this person is deceased. Any reappearance of this person acting strangely or unresponsively is an indication to leave immediately.
- digging up graves or invading a suspected resting place of the monster, despite rumours or knowledge of money or valuable objects concealed therein. If you do manage to obtain these things, you may be prompted to return them as a condition of escape and/or defeating the monster. Removal of these objects may also prompt a monster attack.
-looking in, behind or through doors, cabinets, windows, rooms or anything not in broad daylight. If the monster is concealed, it is because the monster is waiting for you to come find it. Not looking for the monster sows confusion, andcan allow you more time to arm yourself, escape or prepare for close combat.
15. Perhaps most importantly, don't assume the monster is dead or absent. Monsters are notoriously patient, and will readily wait for decades for the chance to get out into the world again. A previous victory over the monster means it is advisable to steer clear of the last place you saw and/or fought the monster, as they are also notorious grudge-holders, and will remember you in an instant.
As the monsters improve and become more sophisticated, no doubt further rules will come in handy. Remember that the best policy in any situation is common sense, and if you must fight, pull no punches. Happy hunting!
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