The Best Revenge

Here's where we keep the armies
Here's where we write their names
Here's where our money got us
Here's our famous hall of shame
Here's where we starve the hungry
Here's where we cheat the poor
Here's where we beat the children
Here's where we pay the whores


Right here we stoned the prophets
Built idols out of mud
Right here we fed the lions
Christian flesh and Christian blood
-Alice Cooper, Brutal Planet

They say success is the best revenge, but you know what they say about a man who goes out for revenge- he better dig two graves, one for his enemy, the other for himself. Good thing I managed success without the revenge. The time is coming to close a door on one chapter of my life once and for all- when I get back to Connecticut, I plan on filing for divorce in the state of my residence, that is, Connecticut. As it turns out, my ex contested my last petition in the Oklahoma court on the grounds of no jurisdiction- that is, though I meet the legal requirements for an Oklahoma residency, for all legal purposes my residency remains in Connecticut. Actually, the Army agrees with this, as my address of record is still officially Connecticut. This was a minor setback, although also a learning experience. According to the courts, I have no more legal ability to file in Oklahoma than I do in, say Rhode Island. Neither state court has any legal jurisdiction, only Connecticut. I'm learning divorce is not as complicated as it may seem, although I trust the ex half as far as I can throw her.
Despite this, and as odd as it may seem, I bear her no ill will. I'm not interested in revenge, and I doubt she is either. It didn't work out for us, and I begin to see, never could. There was once a time when I would have taken her back, and would have gotten down on my knees to beg her to take me back. Now I see this was a mistake, and I see how now I need to cut ties with her once and for all. We're at least civil, and that's about as far as it's going to go. Through no fault of her own, she represents a time in my life when I was a slave to alcohol- not a proud chapter in my life. I'm not going through any 12-step program, I just decided hell with it, the cost is not worth the reward. My ex was a very demanding person, this I do fault her on. Yet I myself didn't know who I was. I guess it took a while, but the lesson finally sank in- that which can run should not crawl. Curiously enough, it goes back to a definition of compassion I once discussed with a friend. Compassion, you see, is not pity. Pity is for a lesser being, like a wounded animal. This creature we feel pity for is not our equal. Compassion is what we feel when we see that which can run crawling. Do we not want to reach down, haul this person to their feet, and say, what are you doing? Why debase yourself when you can stand beside me and my brothers and sisters as an equal? It's a recognition and exaltation of the human condition in all its best elements. Unfortunately, I chose to embrace the worst of my human condition. I crawled when I should have walked, and this motivated me to change. I became both proud and humble- proud of all that I've done, and all that I can do, yet humble enough to be a servant to others.
But enough dwelling on the past- the past is not the present, and the future is not yet written. So all this talk, what of action? That's easy- I plan to make this as easy or as difficult as need be. I plan to hire an attorney there who will represent me in absentia, as I'll more than likely be in Oklahoma. With no common property, the only issue is custody of the children. This is where it gets a bit sticky. I realize by publishing this on the Internet, it could come back to haunt me, as it'll never truly go away. Well, that's all right. I'm planning on trying for partial custody of the kids, mainly for the sake of convenience. I know full well what it says on paper and what happens in real life are often two different things, and accept this fact. Partial custody differs from visitation rights, too. This too is convenient. Actually, we have a great place here in Oklahoma for the kids to hang out, and plenty of new people to meet on post. No doubt they would fit right in with the crazy family we call the Army. As visitation is separate from custody, really it's just a matter of paperwork, yet paperwork is what makes the world go round. I'd like to put them on military insurance, again for the sake of convenience- why pay when you don't have to? My insurance is little to no cost to me, so I figured extending that to the kids would be a good plan. They are covered by the ex's insurance, which she pays for. See my logic here? If I can help her out, why not? No doubt she has a hundred reasons why not, but I trust reason will prevail. Apart from that, partial custody allows me to continue to live off post, as I'll still be pulling a housing allowance. Again, I'm trying to make this a win-win situation, though I doubt the ex will see it that way. Regardless, I'm looking out for my own interests too.
Then there's Tabatha, the force that got me this far. How else can I describe her? It was her who taught me to trust in myself, and as time went on I began to see what she meant, that I could accomplish not only what needed to be done to correct my life and get back on the path I needed to be on, but more too. So the result? I'm a success by any standard, and having a pretty good time doing it. So though I'll be back in Connecticut for a short while, home, after all, is where the heart is.