Revenge of the Phoenix, Part 4- The Black Hole

Our mythology is very rich and dark. There is a hope, however, from within. Although it appears that many of us are giving away our personal power, at the same time, we are going through such an amazing shift that it's hard to believe.

-Christopher Penczak, City Magick

I WORK FOR THE BLACK HOLE, WHERE ALL NATURAL LAWS ARE INVALID

-William Burroughs, The Western Lands

Well we know where we're goin'

But we don't know where we've been

And we know what we're knowin'

But we can't say what we've seen

And we're not little children

And we know what we want

And the future is certain

Give us time to work it out

-Jerry Harrison, Road to Nowhere

I'm coming off yet another 24-hour shift, which is really nothing new around here. It was surprisingly quiet, apart from the usual 'office' drama- I hear, and don't give a wet slap. On the plus side, I did get in a good deal of sleep, (4 hours) and finished out the shift on a high note. I managed to read two books I had been meaning to finish, the first being The Witch's Daughter, by Paula Brackston, highly recommended if you can find it, and The Western Lands by William Burroughs. This latter written in Burroughs' typically bizarre narrative style, with the occasional what-the-hell-just-happened moment. I agree with Burroughs- centipedes are irrevocably icky and creepy. Well, I suppose they have just as much right to be here as I do, though I'd prefer they do it somewhere other than in my general vicinity. Shotguns, please note, are not the recommended weapon against centipedes- this is a work of fiction, keep in mind.

In other news, I talked to my (very definite) better half, who emailed me about what has been going on and in my head lately. It seems I've been spending a good deal of time going between emotional, frustrated states and calming down and thinking about things. Tabatha pointed out that, (and I quote) "...your best interests are already in place in the design of things. Although the future is never cast in stone, and always is changing, there are certain things that will be. No matter what."

This tells me I should listen to the women in my life more often, they seem to know much more than us knuckle-dragging men give them credit for. But actually, Tabatha has a great more intuition and knowledge than she realizes- she has said in the past how she doesn't have my 'gift'- but honestly, in terms of mental and psychic horsepower, she's a Detroit Diesel, I'm a V8. Much as I don't like calling myself psychic- that implies some unique ability about me; rather what I do is the result of conditioning and study- just getting your brain to work in different ways than it would 9 t0 5. But that's not really bearing on the price of beans in China, as my roommate likes to say. The point being, that she's right. I think the root of my frustration comes from not knowing what comes next- my own readings do little to help in this regard- mostly it's "wait, the next step will become clear to you at the right time". Apart from that, things are going well, say the cards. Mental clarity (...) and interpersonal issues are going well- things fit together, like gears in a machine, well-oiled and moving towards some purpose. For the longest time I began to feel like things did indeed fit together, that parts interacted and meshed (the ability to see this, actually, is the basis for most of what I can do, as well as the basis of the way I look at the world), but to what purpose? Surely every machine has a function? Does it just sit there, mesh gears and look cool, to no real purpose other than the consumption of energy? Perhaps not, though its purpose may not be clear. It's true that we don't need to know about every last piece of machinery under the hood to drive the car, but I kind of felt the opposite- I understand the thing works, but what is it supposed to do?

But Tabatha, who knows what I'm missing in this analysis, knows full well that it's not a random useless effort- there are indeed all manner of purposes, designs and outcomes in this great metaphysical machine we find ourselves in the midst of- the fact that I can't readily discern what those ends are in my own life (other people are a cinch) does not mean that those ends are nonexistent. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, after all. And I can imagine Tabatha's answer to that would be, well, maybe you're not looking right! No doubt very much true. Well, that's about all I have to add at this point, hoping that this solar barque can withstand the rough waters ahead. Wherever that road to nowhere goes, I'll go there free and with both eyes open.