Dear Prudence

I've been fighting gravity since I was two.

-Les Claypool

Tomorrow is Monday, the 7th of February. It's raining right now, vastly increasing the already-epic amounts of slush all over the roads. Oklahoma weather- need I say more? Tomorrow also marks the two-year mark from which I first met one Tabatha "Kitty" Rich. I could say the rest is history, but not exactly. Tabatha has been through a lot with me, and we've been through a lot together. I can't say it's all been roses, and at least some of this was due to me repeating past mistakes. Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Though I'm occasionally a slow learner, I'm glad to see that things are improving. If you had told me two years ago I'd be sitting alone in an Oklahoma townhouse with an E-4 salary writing this, I probably wouldn't have believed you. Or maybe I would, I was drinking a good deal more than I should at the time. But nonetheless, I find myself in agreement with Tabatha- change can't come soon enough, and it's unfortunate that we're caught here waiting. We have our own itinerary, and time, the universe and events just don't seem to get that. What's the use of having time if you can't bend it to your will?

Well, at any rate, here we are. Two years ago tomorrow evening I was meeting Tabatha for the first time, I think we had been chatting online the night before, discussing Spongebob pajama pants, among other things. The first movie we saw together was Walk The Line, both of us being big Johnny Cash fans. Tabatha got me enjoying country music, which I never really liked before, and I guess I got her into Rob Zombie, at least I think so. She also encouraged me, and it was her I thought of on those long ruck marches during basic training, out in the Georgia heat. It was Tabatha I was up half the night talking to during AIT, and daydreaming of during fire guard shifts, and it was Tabatha who sent me a picture of what she imagined the live grenade range looked like- actually pretty accurate!

So as I write this, the question comes to mind- has my life been a long series of mistakes, of ego getting in the way of what I should have been doing all along? That's not an easy question to answer. I'd like to think everything happens for a reason, beyond that of causes and consequences. You can tell me something till you're blue in the face, (as the very same Tabatha likes to point out) but often unless I experience it first hand, it doesn't sink in. So perhaps if I've learned from these false starts, bad moves and wrong directions, then my life has been both a learning experience and a preparation for something greater. Wasn't it Pogo, comic strip character of legend, who sagely noted, "We have seen the enemy, and he is us"? The something greater is now- just wish I had gotten started a lot earlier! I wish I had met Tabatha a lot earlier too, but then again, perhaps many of the experiences I've had, even the ones that left scars, physical or otherwise, would be missing, and I'd be destined to those same mistakes. I can see how this would be, to some extent. Had I met Tabatha earlier, I wouldn't have had a lot of the wisdom I have now, and would perhaps never have become what I am now.

There's another aspect to consider, as well- the past is what can't be changed, and the future is not yet written. What we can do is prepare for the future in the present- what you have on hand, and how you make use of it, determines your experience to come, for better or worse. There's no dress rehearsal, this is the only shot you get. Again, I wish I had known that ten years ago, but perhaps in so doing, I can help other people to avoid the same mistakes I've made.
There have been some good points though, and I suppose that's true for anyone. At least now I can begin to make sense of this existence, and get some clear perspective on what the heck I'm supposed to be doing here in the first place. Not a life, but a life well lived, is to be chiefly valued, as Socrates said. At least, I think it was Socrates.
In the hopes of another two years with my lady love, and beyond that, a lifetime. I can't think of a life better lived, with more excellent people in it, friends and family, than I have had in my 32 years on this spinning ball of mirth.