Nurse Rozetta's Adventures At The Chicken Run Blast-O-Rama

In case you couldn't guess, we're running low on creative titles here at Deep 13 for these posts. One half is from an Alice Cooper song, the second from a Rob Zombie song. At any rate, I'm back from the field, which was eight kinds of exciting. It was mainly infantry maneuvers and convoy maneuvers- very demanding, but I'm proud to say Third Patrol (yes, my patrol, in case you were wondering) really raised the bar. Way to go, Wolverines- hell yeah! It was hotter than blazes out there, though- we didn't have a day below 100 degrees. The Army did display a flash or genius with their MRAP vehicles- Mine Resistant Assault Proof vehicles, which are smaller than the old Bradley fighting vehicles, but bigger than a breadbox. They have air conditioning. I suppose this may actually have been something of a necessity, as being assault proof, they lack windows that open. In the back, which is basically a big armored box, are small windows covered with slats to deflect a blast. The glass itself is double-paned and bulletproof, and the windows don't open. In hot sun, without air conditioning, they would turn into an oven and probably roast us alive. But not to worry, there is a cooling system! There is also a gun turret, which means the gunner stays cool from the shoulders down. The turret itself is a little heavier than the simple ring system we had on some of the older vehicles- it's actually driven by an electric motor and joystick control, which is just as cool as it sounds. There's also a manual crank too, should the battery run out on you, but you need to take the crank handle out when it's running on electricity, or difficult-to-explain-to-a-spouse bruises may result. But the exercises went very well, and we had a good deal of fun on our off hours. We did have a combatives tournament in the barracks, which was a new experience. I learned getting body-slammed flat onto a wooden floor is kind of fun, and doesn't really hurt anywhere near as much as you'd think it might. I got up from that, amazed at the physics of it, but lost the fight anyway. But it was a good fight, and I have to hand it to an opponent with greater skill than my own.

And I finally got my leave paperwork put in! This would be very much a good thing, as if I didn't I would face the wrath of my fiancee, and besides, no way I'm going to miss this curious wedding! It's going to be a day to remember, and far too long in coming! There have been the occasional snags, but I'm hoping against hope everything is all set now. First it was a transfer to Charlie, and the first experience I had there was in the field. Granted, it turned out to be a positive one, but it would mean that Charlie would be handling my leave. So I got back from the field, filed the paperwork just in time, and now am tracking down needed supplies for the wedding. One of which was a sword. It's game on when weaponry and true love meet! Okay, seriously, it's just for ceremonial purposes. I'm glad we have the internet, though, because it makes tracking all this stuff down easier. The sword is, I have to admit, is a nice one. It's a Celtic design, which is interesting- during the time of the Celts and Romans, it seems hand guards had yet to be utilized. Yet the Celts and Romans were highly effective at disposing of enemies. A hand guard, as the name suggests, is the horizontal section of a T-shaped sword hilt. But at any rate, I wasn't able to find a ceremonial sword (the main difference being a blunt edge), so went with a fully functional one. I have a pretty good idea where that sword will end up if I don't make it to this wedding, at any rate.

Speaking of the fun-loving Celts, it reminds me of something that happened out in the field. We were at a class on IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices-very nasty affairs), with one particular civilian instructor, whom we all agreed was a little on the eccentric side. Actually, the general consensus was batshit insane. He did know his history, however. He noted that the Roman empire was not able to conquer Afghanistan, which is true. He also was of the opinion that the Roman empire could have taken the Army in a fire fight. Possibly, though I'm fairly certain the advances in firepower and munitions would factor into that as well. Also true is the fact that much military formations and movements were developed by the Roman armies. Roman tactics relied heavily on ground forces formed into a phalanx- picture a huge column of soldiers with tall wooden shields with spears pointing out in front of them, and you can appreciate how this was effective. It is true, they failed to take Afghanistan, however. The main value of Afghanistan at the time was that it was situated in the middle of important trade routes. The Afghans, then as now, took some exception to being conquered, and Rome was not able to do so. Also true, but not mentioned by our instructor, was the fact that the Celts (my ancestors) liked to sack the Roman border. They continued to do this until the Romans gave them gold to not sack them. So not only were the Celts pretty tough customers, they also apparently developed the first racketeering scheme in ancient history. I would like to have seen that negotiation-

Roman General: "Ok guys, look. We'll give you gold, and you leave us the hell alone. How does that sound?"

Celtic Chieftan: "Well, gold was kind of the whole purpose of attacking you in the first place. So you're telling me we get the gold, and we don't attack you?"
Celtic Accountant: "Boss, that actually will save us a lot in labor and manpower. I think it's a good deal."

I'm not sure what the ancient equivalent of an accountant was, but as long as there have been societies, they've probably needed accountants.

As the day draws near, I'm looking forward to seeing my lady love again, and doing something I should have done a long time ago- not go back to Connecticut, but move forwards into a new chapter of this long and convoluted life. Perhaps, looking back, it'll all make sense in retrospect.