Interlude

I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist

I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit

-Marilyn Manson, Fight Song

It's hot. That about sums it up. The last couple of days have been kind of a madhouse around here, first with running around clearing the ENTIRE arms room- an arms room contains weaponry of all shapes and sizes, from pistols to Mark 19 grenade launchers (prolonged exposure has been shown to result in exponential increases in testosterone levels). All weapons were accounted for, inventoried, cleaned and returned. We're now on a first-name basis with every last piece of equipment in that arms room, and today was a little more laid back- I wound up back in the same place I was Monday, tracking down a few scraps of paperwork, most of it redundant. I needed a copy of my insurance record, showing who gets the 400 grand should I die, and yet another copy of my contact information- who gets the remains should the aforementioned death occur. I suppose this has made me a little warped and morbid, though granted, I was kind of out there to start with. I also put in my final will and orders for medical disposition- basically, if I'm not going to pull out of whatever medical tailspin I find myself in, go ahead and let me crash. Better to go out quick and easy than drag it on, I figure. But this is, of course, when an attending physician and a second physician have determined that everything medically possible has been done to save me, and further treatment will be ineffective. Not that I plan to use this for quite some time, I'll be around flirting with the nurses for many years into my old age. Which likewise, is not for a long time. I'll not see 20 again (thank the gods for small favors), but I'm going to spend a long, happy time on this mortal coil.

I found it somewhat interesting that you can specify what, if anything, you want to donate on your body after death. I decided against donating certain organs- I myself can't quite assign a rationale to it, perhaps just superstition. Pretty much everything can go except brain, eyes and heart. However, the dura mater covering my brain, as well as cerebral fluid, are fair game, so to speak. Why these organs? First, because my brain contains a lifetime of memories, not all of them good, but nonetheless, the one thing I can truly claim as my own. My heart, for largely superstitious reasons. It's said to be the seat of the soul, and again, though anatomically it's just a chunk of tissue, I guess it's still ultimately my own choice. My eyes, for largely the same reason, apart from the fact that they don't work all that well in the first place. As I sat there I realized a weird parallel to the inexcusable Blood Diner, another prime example of '80's horror films. Two inept brothers, with the guidance of a dead uncle's brain in a glass jar, try to resurrect some demon/goddess creature, with arguable success. But if anyone keeps my brain in a glass jar and expects it to talk and give you instructions, well, good luck with that. Besides, my final instructions say cremation, not imitate the movies. There are somewhat limited things you can do with dead bodies, also. The law is rather strict on what you can and can't do with human remains. I can recall a weird photo that was debunked by this fact- a man supposedly kept his dead wife, preserved, in a large glass coffin-like apparatus, in his living room, where she served as a coffee table. The photo, (credit where credit is due) was absolutely ingenious- it turned out to be a clever makeup job and a very large fish tank. The possibilities of home decor on Halloween are mind-bending.

But I digress, as usual. All this is just a precaution, but a good one. I'm planning on being back from this little jaunt across the pond in one piece, and spending many more years enjoying the condition of being not dead. I'm very much certain of this fact, though I can't put my finger on exactly why. Tomorrow is another day, and one which I won't get too much sleep. That's okay, one of the useful abilities we soldiers develop is the ability to sleep virtually anywhere. The reason for little to no sleep is because I have to report in at 3 AM, to get my happy self down to Fort Hood, deep in the heart of Texas. I'm not driving, and it's a five-hour ride, so that means a five-hour nap. The reason for going to Texas, apart from flirting with Texas gals, is to secure equipment for the deployment. The Army is going back to a different camouflage pattern, which I for one think is a good move. It's kind of halfway between the old BDU/tiger stripe camo we saw until the late '90s and the camo after that, the green-gray digitized camo. I think it's a good change, though I'm more concerned with the durability and functionality of the armor than keeping me concealed. We get to go wear our 'civvies', though- what we wear on our days off. Most everyone else is going on leave either Friday or Saturday, so looks like it'll be an empty house for me the remainder of the time I'm here. Then I go on leave, and the coolness around battalion drops by a factor of 10 or so, ha ha. But I'm glad that we have the chance to take leave, and that everyone gets to go see their families and loved ones, even if it is just a little down time- sometimes those can be the most memorable.

We also had a resiliency briefing today- what does that mean? Basically, it means don't let it get to you. Sure, there are long hours, you occasionally get your ass chewed by superiors, sometimes things go wrong, and on top of that people are trying to kill you on occasion, and there's a kind of low-level stress constantly thrumming beneath the surface, but there are ways to deal with that. One is simply the fact that there is a bond between people who spend a lot of time together, for love or hate. Soon you learn that you can talk to people about things that are on your mind, without fear of judgement or ridicule. Another aspect of this has a great deal to do with your mindset- what do you see your problems as? One huge shit storm coming at you, or maybe not exactly as good as that time you kissed the really hot girl you took to the dance, but ultimately manageable. Again, ask for help when you need it, but never hesitate to tackle problems head on. Good advice, and some that I need to keep in mind! The most difficult thing for me so far has been learning to trust other people- they've got my back just as much as I've got theirs- they trust me, and the last thing I would want to do is disappoint or hurt these guys. Strange, and no doubt this is why we need reintegration training- pretty much what it sounds like, it's a post-deployment 'quarantine' of sorts, where we re-learn to do things in an environment where our lives are not at stake. But I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, unlike parenthood. (that was a joke- I love my kids, they are the coolest, smartest and most rocking kids the east coast has ever known.)

The heat continues to increase- every morning on my drive in I hear a new high temperature, "...which breaks the record, set in 19__". This is from a Wichita Falls station, about 40 minutes south of Lawton, incidentally, not that weather patterns are that localized. So some things never change. This is getting a little excessive- the sergeant giving our brief today, the eternal optimist, said "Yeah, I talked to the weather man- had him turn the dial up for you guys, so you can get acclimated to heat for when you get to Afghanistan." Gee, thanks. At least in Afghanistan it snows once in a while. Signing off from the south, I hope to be back in New England safe and sound, in time to see a great couple getting married!