And Then The Fight Started

They see me rollin', they hatin'
Patrollin', and tryin' to catch me riding dirty
- Chamillionaire, Ridin'

Special thanks to John Windham for today's warped humor!

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat at a nearby table alone.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes," she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking after we split up many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since!"
"Wow," I said, "Who would think a person would go on celebrating for that long?"
And that's how the fight started...


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a gift for Mother's Day. Next year I didn't get her a gift. When she asked why, I replied,
"Because you didn't use the gift I got you last year"
And that's how the fight started...


Saturday I woke up early, got dressed quietly, made lunch, and slipped quietly out to the garage. I hooked up the boat, and backed out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 miles an hour, so I pulled back into the garage and turned on the radio. The forecast said that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, got undressed and cuddled up to my wife's back, and whispered in her ear, "The weather's supposed to be bad all day."
To which she replied, "Yes, and can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"
And that's how the fight started...


When our lawnmower broke, my wife kept hinting that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else more pressing to do than get it fixed. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, she was seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched in silence for a moment, then went into the house.
I was gone but a minute, and when I came back out, I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish with the lawn, you might as well sweep the driveway too."

The doctors say I'll be able to walk again, but will probably always have a limp.