It's Wednesday, and the week's end is in sight. That's ok, the time here has been invaluable. I realize it's not the fight you face, it's the fight in you that's important. Most of the divorce is getting done, and I'm looking forward to taking leave again soon. Tabatha always complained (rightly so) that not seeing me for five months at a stretch really isn't working. She's right. I'd rather be back here much more often. So, as in many areas of life, the one thing keeping me from doing that is me. The problem with being smart is that you get to see everything from multiple angles- and on occasion get stuck in those angles, neither moving forwards or back. Some might say I should balance out my Air with a little more Fire, and they'd be right too. The question is, where to go? For the last several weeks I haven't been able to shake the sense that there are vast plains of knowledge that are now just beginning to be revealed. But what, then, do I do with them? Take over the world? Crush my enemies? Is knowledge an end in and of itself, or is there something more? Tabatha's favorite phrase is "you only see what you need to see". Well, as a diviner, I'd like to think I can see a little more than average, but that works best for other people, not me. My own life is a big blind spot more often than not. But we must bravely press forwards, confront the impossible at every turn, all that good stuff.
I think coming back to CT was a good idea, it was good to see the kids again. They're getting so big! And smart, too. Emma is as stubborn as ever, which I think will serve her well as time goes on. Max continues to impress me with how smart he is, and he's turning into a wonderful young man. No doubt there will be great things in their futures. It's things like that which get you through the long days.
But wherever I go, there I am. I'm beginning to think more than anywhere else, New England is home. It's the place I grew up. Sure, it's expensive, and has the largest discrepancy between the highest and lowest incomes in the country, but most of us fall somewhere in between, and live out lives without too much worry. But soon it'll be time to go back to Fort Sill, and no doubt face the same nonsense that I'll always be up against. Where do we go from here has been the question on my mind very often as of late. No answers yet- but then again, if you find out everything all at once, where's the fun in that?
But wherever I go, there I am. I'm beginning to think more than anywhere else, New England is home. It's the place I grew up. Sure, it's expensive, and has the largest discrepancy between the highest and lowest incomes in the country, but most of us fall somewhere in between, and live out lives without too much worry. But soon it'll be time to go back to Fort Sill, and no doubt face the same nonsense that I'll always be up against. Where do we go from here has been the question on my mind very often as of late. No answers yet- but then again, if you find out everything all at once, where's the fun in that?
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