Life In The Army

Things are proceeding about as normal here. Hard to believe that it's only Wednesday, though. Next week we go back to doing PT in the afternoons, which I think is kind of a dumb idea. I liked to do it in the morning, when I first wake up, and haven't had breakfast or anything lately. I'm not sure why that makes a difference, but it does. However, my section has the OK from higher up to conduct PT in the morning as well. This was actually originally my plan, as I was planning on using the schedule change and the subsequent change in time to continue working out on my own. Regardless, it would be cool to do it with someone else.
In other news, I'm still trying to track down a copy of the promotion board study guide- I know what book I'm looking for, just not where to find it! The places on post, oddly enough, don't seem to carry it. But I'll ask around, see where I can find a copy.
So, as I continue to study for the board, I notice a few useful rules to know- here is a partial list:

The following items cannot be requisitioned through your quartermaster or supply sergeant:
-Blood
-Organs or other body parts
-Animals intended for sacrificial purposes
-Illegal drugs or alcohol
-The souls of other soldiers
-Other soldiers
-Explosives, with the reason that "It looks cool".
- "Princess" is not a military rank, either for myself or any other soldier
-Especially your commanding officer
-In the case of commanding officers, "Crackhead" likewise is not considered a proper address
- "Are you f**ing nuts?" is not considered a valid response to an order.
-The supply sergeant's name is not "Sugar Daddy".
-The medic's name is not "Dr. Feelgood", nor is it "my connection".
-Camo body paint is not in itself a uniform.
-Pants are not optional.
-The fact that the uniform is camo does not make you invisible.
-Nor does it enable you to fly.
- "Clean your boots" does not involve the pressure washer in the mechanics' bay
-There is not an atheist chaplain, and I am not him.
-I cannot promote myself to chaplain of my own religion.
-I am not authorized to fire anyone.
-Including my chain of command.
-Sock puppets can neither take command of the post or countermand my orders.
-Pets do not entitle me to separation pay
-Nor do imaginary friends.
-MPs are not amused by the phrases "You don't need to see his identification." and "These aren't the droids you're looking for."
-Room inspections are not a chance to display any "collection" you may have.
-Bayonets do not belong on any of the following places:
-Crew-served weaponry
-Artillery or long-range guns
-Helmets
-The front of any military vehicle
-In the post commander's tires
-The DOD forms that are currently in use cannot be added to, altered or replaced by me.
-No matter how funny it is.
- No maneuver in a military vehicle should immediately be preceded by the phrase, "Hey guys, watch this", or "I saw this on TV/in a movie/in a cartoon".
-Vehicles have safe operational limits. This is not a personal challenge.
-Vehicles are not capable of any of the following:
-Flight
-Assembly into a giant robot
-Making margaritas
-shooting fire
-New soldiers should not be told this, as they'll believe just about anything you tell them.
-Do not encourage mentally ill civilians in their beliefs that the CIA, aliens, Elvis or any other voice, person or thing is talking to them.
- I am not authorized to arrest anyone.
-Don't sell or trade weapons you were issued, no matter how cool the car is.
Well, hope you enjoyed this little list of do's and don'ts. In case you couldn't guess, we get pretty bored in our down hours. And incidentally, for everyone not in the know, Tenafly Viper is a fictional bum wine from the '80's horror film Street Trash. If you haven't seen it, don't. It's extreme even by my warped standards, and besides, you'd have to hunt all over the place for it, as it's comparatively rare. The wine is discovered by a liquor store owner, and is found to be expired. (how this happens is unclear, but it is). Said owner sells it anyway, where it becomes popular amongst the local bum population. The only problem is, instead of getting you messed up, it causes rapid decomposition and destruction of the human body, in some pretty spectacular special effects sequences. Tenafly Viper resembles nothing so much as the pint bottles of Mad Dog also popular among the less affluent drinkers in our society, or for those who occasionally like to "slum it", or are too hell-bent on getting drunk to worry too much about its questionable and colorful chemical composition. At any rate, hence the recurring and lame joke- don't drink/stay away from/avoid the Tenafly Viper- meaning, there are things in life that may seem easy, but be mindful of the future, and be aware of where you find yourself. (Wow, I managed to make that sound intelligent and philosophical! I should go work for BP!) At any rate, do stay away from the Tenafly Viper, both real and metaphorical, and remember, at the end of the day we all hang our hats up the same way.